The Castaway's Christmas
The Castaway's Christmas Written by Reverend Troy Schroeder Scene One: Cast members are sitting around table. Professor walks in with a small transistor radio. Professor: Well, I've finally done it. I have successfully reconfigured the metamorphic stabilizer with the hyper-conducive syncopated tubes using bamboo and coconut shells. Gilligan: You did what? Skipper: I think he means he fixed the radio, Gilligan. Professor: Precisely, Skipper. And now, after three months of silence, we can finally find out what is going on at home. Thurston: Good. I'm just dying to hear how my stocks are doing. Ginger: Oh, I hope my clothes are still in fashion. Mary Ann: And I want to hear my favorite soap opera, "Old Dr. Young." Professor: Shhhh. The news is about to begin. Radio Ann: And finally, Christmas is only five days away, so you had better make any necessary last minute preparations. Everybody squeals and gasps with excitement. Radio Ann: To get you in the Christmas mood, here is "Jingle Bells." Everybody sings along as the choir sings "Jingle Bells." Gilligan: Hey, Skipper. Do you remember a few months back when we made friends with the natives on the other side of the island? Skipper: Yes. What about it. Gilligan: I'm so excited about Christmas that I just need to share it with everyone. So, I'm going to go tell them about Christmas and how fun it is. Skipper: That's a good idea little buddy. Gilligan runs off stage left. Scene Two: Several natives and the Chief are standing around in a group. Gilligan enters stage left. Gilligan: Howaboonga, Chief! Chief: Howaboonga, Skinny one they call Gilligan! What you doing on this side island. Chief motions with arms. Many dangers on this side of island. Gilligan: I know, Chief. I just wanted to come and wish you all a Merry Christmas. (Cheerfully )Well, Merry Christmas. Chief: Ugh! Christmas? What this Christmas? Gilligan: You don't know what Christmas is? It's a very special holiday. Chief: Wh-what is holiday? Gilligan: You know! It's a special time that is celbrated every year. With lots of food and fun and cheer. Chief: Ahhh! Like when we sacrifice skinny visitors to the volcano god every year? (Big smile of Chief's face. Natives nod and smile in agreement.) Gilligan: Gilligan gulps in fear. Nervously. Heh-Heh, Yeah, something like that. Chief: Chief laughs and Gilligan laughs nervously. What you mean by "Christmas?" Gilligan: Well, I thought I knew, but I don't know how to explain it. I'll be right back. Gilligan exits stage right. Chief and natives exit stage left. Choir sings "Almost Christmas Time," during scene change. Scene Three: Skipper, Mr. Thurston Howell III, Mrs. (Lovey) Howell, Professor, Ginger and Mary Ann are sitting around the table. Gilligan enters stage right looking depressed. Skipper: What's a matter, little buddy. Gilligan: I went over to the other side of the island to wish the Chief a Merry Christmas, but he didn't know what Christmas was. And I couldn't explain it to him. Skipper: Oh, that's easy. Christmas is the time of year when you gather around the Christmas tree with all your loved ones. The tree is what makes Christmas so special. I just love all the lights and the decorations and popcorn strings and candy canes. Ooh, I'm making myself hungry. (Skipper laughs) Well, I'm going to go decorate that big palm tree in the middle of the island. It would make a great Christmas tree. (Skipper exits left.) Choir sings one verse of "Oh, Christmas Tree." Gilligan: Oh! Lovey: Oh heavens, no. Don't listen to the Skipper, Gilligan. He has it all wrong. The tree is not what makes Christmas special. It's the... Thurston: Money, my dear boy. The loot. The presents. That's what Christmas is all about. I just love spending money and, of course, getting money at Christmas time. Come Lovey, let's go count our money before Christmas gets here. (Mr. And Mrs. Howell exit right.) Choir sings one verse of "Silver Bells." Gilligan: Oh. Ginger: Oh, that Mr. And Mrs. Howell. Giving and getting presents is fun, but what makes the Christmas seasons so wonderful is the Hollywood movies. This is the time when all the best movies come out. Like the one I did a few years back, "It's a Silver Christmas, Mr. Smith." Ohh, I just loved making that movie. That is what Christmas is all about. Well, I need to go get ready for my next big premiere; if we ever get off this island. Ginger exits stage right.) Choir sings one verse of "White Christmas." Gilligan: Oh. Professor: Gilligan, don't listen to all this sentimental chitchat. Christmas is simply a Druid celebration of the beginning of the winter equinox. (Gilligan gives him a blank stare) In other words, it is snow that makes Christmas so intriguing. Hey, I bet I could mix some cocunut flakes and mango juice to create some artificial snow. I'm going to go try it. (Professor exits left.) Choir sings one verse of "Let It Snow!" Gilligan: Oh? What about you, Mary Ann. What does Christmas mean to you? Mary Ann: I didn't think you would ever ask. Christmas is all about family traditions. It's the time of year when we all sit around the fire on a cold December night in Kansas and sing songs, roast chestnuts on an open fire, and drink egg nog. Ooohh! I just love Christmas with all it's traditions. I wonder if the Skipper needs any help decorating the tree. (Mary Ann exits left.) Choir sings one verse of "Deck The Halls." Gilligan: (To the audience) Now, I'm even more confused than I was before. I guess I'll go fishing to help me think. Gilligan walks off with his fishing pole and radio stage left. Scene Four: Gilligan is sitting on the stage with fishing pole in the "Lagoon" Gilligan: I'm so confused about this whole "Christmas" thing. I need this time to just fish and think. Gilligan pulls up a small suitcase from the lagoon with his fishing pole. Gilligan: What is this? Gilligan opens the suitcase to find various clothing items and a Bible. Gilligan: All right! A suitcase. I wonder what's in it. (Pulls out the Bible and starts reading it.) Gilligan: Thumbs through the Bible until he finds Luke 1. Reading "In the sixth month, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin's name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you..." Choir sings "What Child Is This?" during scene change. Scene Five: Several natives and the Chief are standing around in a group. Gilligan enters stage left. Gilligan: Howaboonga, Chief! Chief: Howaboonga, Skinny one they call Gilligan! Can you tell me today what Christmas is? Gilligan: Yes, I can. At first, I thought that Christmas was just about trees, presents, movies, snow and traditions until I read this. Gilligan holds up the Bible. Chief: Ohh. What that? Gilligan: This is the story of the one true God and how He sent His son to earth. Chief: Oh. This son must have been a prince. A real important guy. Live in best hut in village. Own lots of livestock and have lots of wives! Gilligan: Well, He was a prince, but He never lived in a castle. As a matter of fact, he was born in a stable, where the animals lived. Chief: Huh?? What kind of king was He? Gilligan: He was a special king. Let me tell you about him. Lights fade as scene ends. Gilligan exits stage right. Chief and natives exit stage left. Choir Sings "Silent Night" during scene change. Scene Six: Skipper, Mr. Thurston Howell III, Mrs. (Lovey) Howell, Professor, Ginger and Mary Ann are sitting around the table. Gilligan enters stage right running excitedly. Gilligan: I've found it, I've found it. Skipper: You've found what , little buddy? Gilligan: I've found a way to be rescued. Lovey: Oh, that's simply marvelous, my dear boy. Where's the boat that has come to rescue us. Gilligan: Boat? What boat? Ginger: Well, the boat that has come to save us. Gilligan: There's no boat. Professor: Gilligan, you did come over here quite excitedly telling us you found a way to be rescued. Gilligan: I did find a way. It's right here. Gilligan holds up the Bible. Skipper: You numbskull! Skipper hits Gilligan over the head with his hat. That's not a way off the island, that's just a book. Gilligan: I didn't say it was a way off the island, I said I found a way for us to be rescued, to be saved. And besides, the Bible is not just another book. It is God's word. And it tells the real story of Christmas. Gilligan thumbs through the Bible until he finds Luke 2. He begins to read. "In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christn the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests." When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about." So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told." Thurston: That's a nice story, Gilligan my boy, but what does that have to do with us being rescued. Gilligan: Don't you see, when Jesus came down here to earth, he came down here for a reason. Proffessor: Yes, to live as an example to us on how we can live a good, moral life. Gilligan: Well, kind of. But He came here for more than just to live for us. He came to die for us. According to what I've read in this Bible, God loved the world so much that He gave us his only son, so that we can have eternal life. Jesus was born in a wooden stable, and he died on a wooden cross. But the good news is that he didn't stay on that cross. He was buried in a borrowed grave and on the third day, he came back to life, and now he reigns with God in heaven. Because of all of this, we can be saved and have a life that lasts forever in heaven with Jesus. Lights fade. Entire cast and crew come back on stage for bows and they, with the choir sing "Amazing Grace" to the tune of "Gilligan's Island" Theme song.