Hamlet: The Musical!!
I Ask To Be
Hamlet Dear, Your Problem Is Clear
Neither A Borrower
     
HAMLET      
A Musical     
by     
the Castaways     
of Gilliganís Island     
     
Act I     
[The curtain rises. Hamlet stands stage center.]     
HAMLET:     
(Sings)     
I ask to be or not to be, A rogue or peasant slave is what      
you see; A boy who loved his motherís knee, And so I ask      
to be or not to be. So hereís my plea, I beg of you, And say      
you see a little hope for me. To fight or flee, to fight or flee,      
I ask myself to be or not to be.     
     
[Enter King Claudius and Queen Certrude]     
     
CLAUDIUS AND GERTRUDE:     
(Sing) He asks to be or not to be, A rogue or      
peasant slave is what you see;     
     
GERTRUDE: (Sings) My son who loved his motherís knee,     
     
CLAUDIUS AND GERTRUDE: (Sing) And so he asks to      
be or not to be. So hereís his plea, we beg of thee, And say      
we see a little hope for he.     
     
HAMLET: (Sings) To fight or flee, to fight or flee, I ask      
myself to be or not to be.     
     
Exit Claudius and Certrude.]     
     
HAMLET: Hark! I do believe I hear the fair Ophelia.     
     
Enter Ophelia     
     
OPHELIA: My Lord Hamlet is troubled.     
     
HAMLET: Yea, verily, my heart is heavy. I cannot marry      
thee, Ophelia. There is nothing left for you, but to get thee      
to a notary.     
     
OPHELIA: Ah, my poor Hamlet. Ah, my poor Hamlet.      
(Sings) Hamlet, dear, your problem is clear, Avenging thy      
fatherís death; You seek to harm your uncle and mom, But      
youíre scaring me to death. While I die and sigh and cry,      
That love is everything; Youíre content to try to touch, The      
conscience of a king. Since the day when your dad met his      
fate, You just brood and you donít touch your food; You      
hate your ma, mad at my pa, Youíll kill the king or some      
silly thing. So Hamlet. Hamlet, do be a man, let Rotten      
enough alone. From Ophelia no one can steal yea Youíll      
always be my own, Leave the gravediggerís scene, If you      
know what I mean. Danish pastry for two, For me, for you.     
     
HAMLET: In truth Ophelia, you have said a mouthful.     
     
OPHELIA: Hamlet, I have so much more to offer. But hark!      
Me thinks me hear the heavy footsteps of my father,      
Polonius.     
     
HAMLET: And the laughter of your brother and my friend,      
Laertes.     
     
OPHELIA: Oh, they must not find us here. But where to      
hide?     
     
HAMLET: Hide anyplace. But donít go near the water.     
[Exit Hamlet and Ophelia]     
     
LAERTES: Father, my ship sails at the tide.     
     
POLONIUS: A mornent, my son, for I have something to      
tell you.     
     
LAERTES: But I ask only for my allowance.     
     
POLONIUS:     
Ah, but I shall give you something far more available:      
advice.     
     
LAERTES:     
Do you know how much wine you can buy in Paris      
with advice?     
     
POLONIUS: Paris is a wild and wicked town. And you are      
but a young and innocent boy.     
     
LAERTES:     
(To audience) Oh, could I tell him a few stories.     
     
POLONIUS: Heed my words, Laertes, and youíll be safe.     
     
LAERTES: (Inless I listen, I wonít get my spending money.      
So Iíll listen, Iíll listen.     
     
POLONIUS: (Sings) Neither a borrower nor a lender be,      
Do not forget: Stay out of debt; Think twice, and take this      
good advice from me, Guard that old solvency. Thereís just      
one other thing you ought to do. To thine own self be true.     
     
[Enter entire cast]     
ALL:     
(Sing)     
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,     
Do not forget: Stay out of debt;     
Think twice, and take this good advice from me,     
Guard that old solvency.     
Thereís just one other thing you ought to do,     
To thine own self be true.