TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

PAN from waterfall to barbecue pit as Gilligan digs a barbecue pit.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan places his bamboo shovel on the sand, feels a hard object, and puts his foot against the shovel. It breaks. Gilligan squats down and examines the bowl of the shovel.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Gilligan? Gilligan, where are you?

Gilligan hides the bowl of the shovel in a nearby pile of soil.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

Skipper emerges from the jungle.

SKIPPER

Gilligan? Gilligan?

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Skipper approaches Gilligan. Gilligan stands.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, what are you doing down here? You're supposed to be cutting bamboo poles.

GILLIGAN

I'm digging a barbecue pit for Mister Howell. Goodbye, Skipper.

SKIPPER

"Goodbye, Skipper"?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, I got to dig this pit. So long.

(pause)

See you later.

SKIPPER

Well, dig.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, Gilligan, let me show you how to dig a barbecue pit.

Skipper takes the shovel handle from Gilligan. He lifts the shovel and discovers that the bowl is gone.

GILLIGAN

Oh! You broke the shovel, Skipper.

Skipper holds up the handle.

SKIPPER

Where is the rest of this shovel?

Gilligan uses his foot to uncover the bowl of the shovel in the pile of soil.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, that's the fifth shovel you've broken this week.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, but I hit something real hard.

SKIPPER

The only thing hard on this island is your head.

Skipper drives the handle into the soil.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

It's soft sand.

Skipper realizes there is something hard down there.

GILLIGAN

See, I told you. Must be a rock or something.

Skipper taps the handle around in various places.

SKIPPER

Doesn't feel like a rock, it feels square.

GILLIGAN

A big square rock?

Skipper continues to tap, but grows excited. Skipper bends down and digs the soil away.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, give me the rest of that shovel. I think you've uncovered -- look at the chains!

Skipper tosses the shovel bowl away and uses his hands to dig.

GILLIGAN

Huh?

SKIPPER

Dig!

Gilligan digs with this hands. Chains are visible.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, I think you've uncovered a treasure chest.

The men continue to dig out the treasure chest.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan and Skipper move the treasure chest from the lagoon beach to camp. Skipper pushes the chest from behind. Gilligan lays down large bamboo rollers in the path of the chest.

GILLIGAN

Careful, now. You've got to make a turn here.

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan, I see that we have to make a turn.

GILLIGAN

Here, give me that one there.

SKIPPER

Another roller down. That's right, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Come on, push.

SKIPPER

If we work as a team, it'll see us through.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, you're not pushing hard enough. Come on.

SKIPPER

I'm pushing hard.

GILLIGAN

Come on, Skipper, push, push, push.

Skipper stands up.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I thought we could do this together. But since you're going to stand there and criticize, I'll do it myself.

Skipper picks up the treasure chest, moves it to a clear spot, and puts it down. Gilligan is startled that Skipper is strong enough to lift the chest. Skipper and Gilligan kneel next to it.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, never mind that. Look at this chest, Gilligan. It must be hand-forged, even the lock and the chain.

GILLIGAN

Forged? You mean it's an imitation?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, this is the real thing. There must be a fortune in this chest. Come on, let's try to get this padlock and chain off. Hand me that piece of bamboo.

Gilligan picks up a small bamboo pole and gives it to Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Here. Boy, I can hardly wait to see what's inside that treasure chest.

Ginger and Mary Ann appear from the jungle.

GINGER

Treasure chest? What's in it?

MARY ANN

Oh, is it real?

GINGER

Who found it?

MARY ANN

Why don't you open it?

GINGER

Who buried it?

MARY ANN

Can we help?

GILLIGAN

Ginger, we don't know, I did and maybe pirates. Mary Ann, I did, we're trying, and no, thanks.

GINGER

This is the most exciting thing that's happened to us.

MARY ANN

You read about buried treasure, but never expect to find any.

GILLIGAN

Let's get some leverage on it.

Gilligan places the bamboo pole under the chains.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

One, two, three, go!

Skipper YELLS in pain as his fingers are caught between the pole and the chain. Gilligan releases the pole. Skipper removes his finger.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Sorry, Skipper.

SKIPPER

My finger.

(pause)

Please, everybody stand back now. I don't want anybody to be hurt when this chain snaps.

Skipper puts his foot on the chest for leverage, grips the pole, and pulls up on it. He adjusts himself and moves his hands to the end of the pole and pulls up again. The end of the pole breaks off. Skipper recoils backward into the jungle. He lands face-first. He rolls onto one arm and gives an aside glance.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - LATER

The treasure chest rests intact. Debris of bamboo poles lie all around.

PAN TO Skipper and Gilligan sitting nearby.

SKIPPER

You'd think the rust would've weakened that chain after all this time.

GILLIGAN

Hope we can saw that chain with the piece of coral.

SKIPPER

We'll find out when the girls get back.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell enter. Mr. Howell carries a stick.

MR HOWELL

Well, now, what have we here?

Gilligan and Skipper rise.

GILLIGAN

Oh, hi, Mister Howell. It's a treasure chest that I found while digging the pit.

MR HOWELL

Look at that, Lovey. That's how millionaires used to keep their money.

MRS HOWELL

How quaint. It doesn't look like it could hold very much.

MR HOWELL

Our piggy banks are bigger than that.

Mr. Howell points his stick at the treasure chest.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Have you tried to open it?

Gilligan and Skipper look at each other.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

A torch burns. Skipper uses a piece of coral as an abrasive to cut through the chains on the treasure chest. Gilligan races up, passes the Howells, Ginger, and Mary Ann, who watch Skipper from the sidelines. Gilligan carries a piece of a fish that looks like a wood saw.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, maybe this will work. I got it off the fish we had last night. Here, hold the chain. Ready? Watch it. Cut it right --

Gilligan draws the saw back. All of its teeth on the lower side are removed by the strong chain.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I could have told you that wouldn't work. You've got to use your head. That's why I've been using the coral.

GILLIGAN

Oh, does that work?

SKIPPER

No.

MARY ANN

I wish the Professor were here. He could tell us how to open that thing.

GILLIGAN

He's on the other side searching in caves. He won't be back until tomorrow.

MR HOWELL

Well, that chest has been closed for hundreds of years and I don't think one day won't make any difference. I suggest we get a good night's sleep and try first thing in the morning.

The Howells, Mary Ann, and Ginger get up.

FLIP TO:

INT. GIRLS HUT - NIGHT

Mary Ann sits at a small table and holds a hand mirror while Ginger puts rollers in her hair.

MARY ANN

Thanks for putting up my hair, Ginger.

Mary Ann places the mirror down on the table. Ginger rolls some of Mary Ann's hair onto a roller.

GINGER

Oh, I couldn't sleep anyway, thinking about that treasure chest.

Ginger works on Mary Ann's hair. Ginger wets a bobby pin in her mouth and places it on the roller.

MARY ANN

I hope it's filled with diamonds or gold, or even silver. What would you like to find in it?

GINGER

Rock Hudson.

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan rests on his hammock with his hat over his eyes and his arms folded under his head. Skipper lies on the hammock below.

SKIPPER

Gilligan?

Gilligan pulls his hat from over his eyes.

GILLIGAN

Yeah?

Skipper shushes Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Are you asleep?

GILLIGAN

If I am, I am doing it with my eyes wide open. I'm too excited to sleep.

SKIPPER

You have every right to be excited. Just think, little buddy, by this time tomorrow you might be a millionaire. What are you going to do with the all that money?

GILLIGAN

First thing I'm gonna do is buy something that'll open up that chest. You really think I'm a millionaire?

SKIPPER

Sure, it's your chest. You found it, didn't you?

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah.

SKIPPER

Well, finders keepers.

GILLIGAN

What do you think is in there?

SKIPPER

Silver and gold doubloons, maybe even gold bullion.

GILLIGAN

Soup?

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, not soup.

Skipper rolls out of the lower hammock and stands up.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

But whatever it's got, it's got a lot of it. I just wonder what's in there. I can hardly stand the suspense.

Skipper walks over to a spot where his feet are illuminated by the moonlight.

MATCH FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELL HUT - NIGHT

Mr. Howell stands in his bath robe. Mrs. Howell gathers up netting.

MRS HOWELL

Come to bed, Thurston, it's getting late.

MR HOWELL

I -- I can't sleep. I keep wondering what wonderful, marvelous trinkets must be in that treasure chest.

MRS HOWELL

You know, Thurston, in all the years we've been married, I never saw you pace the floor before.

Mrs. Howell puts the netting over her head.

MR HOWELL

Well, of course not. At home, I had my butler do it for me. These islands can be so inconvenient.

Mr. Howell helps Mrs. Howell put the netting over her head.

MRS HOWELL

Are you positive that treasure chest belongs to you?

MR HOWELL

Well, of course, Gilligan was working for me at the time when he was digging and found it. He was in my employ. All big business operates that way. I just wish we could open that chest.

MRS HOWELL

But how? The Captain and Gilligan did everything they could. They tried everything but picking the lock.

Mr. Howell removes the netting from Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Picking the lock! Lovey, just like on the Late, Late, Late Show. Why don't we try that?

Mrs. Howell drops the netting.

MRS HOWELL

I'll get my knitting needle.

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan lies in his top hammock. Skipper races over to him.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I just thought of something. We didn't think about picking the lock.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Gilligan rolls out of his hammock and runs into Skipper.

INT. GIRLS HUT - NIGHT

Ginger continues to work on Mary Ann's hair. Mary Ann has curlers in her hair. Ginger looks at a bobby pin in her hand.

GINGER

A bobby pin. Hey. Hey, you know, I was once in a movie where I picked a lock with a bobby pin.

MARY ANN

Oh, Ginger.

Mary Ann gets up and they exit.

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

The treasure chest sits intact. Around it lies the debris of the previous attempts to open it. Bits of bamboo poles, the sawtooth blade from the fish, and the coral are strewn around. Mr and Mrs. Howell approach the chest. Mrs. Howell snags her nightgown on a plant.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, dear.

MR HOWELL

Quiet, Lovey.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, this is fun. I feel positively criminal.

SWISH PAN TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

Skipper and Gilligan approach the treasure chest.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, Skipper, I can hardly wait to find out if I'm a gold millionaire or a jewelry millionaire.

Skipper shushes him.

SWISH PAN TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

CLOSEUP - GINGER AND MARY ANN

as they quietly approach the jungle clearing with the treasure chest. Ginger turns, sees the other castaways, and is surprised to find them there too.

GINGER

Oh!

PULL BACK to reveal the Howells, Skipper, and Gilligan emerge from the jungle into the clearing with the treasure chest.

MR HOWELL

Well, uh, good evening.

GINGER

Lovely evening, yes, it is.

SKIPPER

It is a beautiful evening. We were just out for a breath of fresh air.

GILLIGAN

Oh, no, Skipper, don't you remember? We came here to get the chest --

Skipper puts his hand over Gilligan's mouth.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you know that -- night air is bad for my little buddy.

MR HOWELL

Shall we turn in -- for the night?

MARY ANN

See you all in the morning.

MRS HOWELL

Good night.

They all turn to return to their huts.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

HIGH ANGLE

as Skipper pulls on the vine wound over a pulley, the treasure chest rises into the air.

GILLIGAN

Attaboy, Skipper, I knew you'd figure out a way to get it open.

SKIPPER

Certainly, Gilligan. We'll let the weight of the chest itself break it wide open. Make it fast.

Gilligan ties Skipper's end of the vine to a nearby palm tree.

MR HOWELL

Well, I still don't see how you're going to open the chest this way.

SKIPPER

Very simple, Mr. Howell. All we have to do is cut the vine. The chest falls and its own weight will break those seams wide open when it hits the ground.

MR HOWELL

Well, I must say that's very clever. I must reward you with part of my treasure chest.

LOW ANGLE

SKIPPER

Your treasure chest? That treasure is Gilligan's.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan's?

SKIPPER

Of course, he found it. Didn't you?

GILLIGAN

You were with me. Don't you remember?

SKIPPER

Of course I remember.

MR HOWELL

But he was working for me. Therefore the treasure is mine.

SKIPPER

Finders keepers.

MR HOWELL

But that's ridiculous. It is the practice of any large corporation.

SKIPPER

Gilligan is not a corporation.

GILLIGAN

I'm not even a business.

MR HOWELL

I still say the treasure chest is mine.

Skipper folds his arms across his chest.

SKIPPER

That treasure chest is Gilligan's.

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell fold their arms across their chests.

MR HOWELL

It's mine.

SKIPPER

Gilligan's.

MR HOWELL

Mine.

SKIPPER

Gilligan?

Gilligan folds his arms across his chest.

GILLIGAN

Mine!

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan pokes at the suspended treasure chest with a bamboo pole. The treasure chest spins. A NOISE startles Gilligan.

SKIPPER

It's only me, little buddy.

GILLIGAN

I thought it might have been Mister Howell.

SKIPPER

I came back to help you protect your rights. You know, when Howell wants something, he can be pretty tricky.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell return. Mrs. Howell carries a parasol.

MR HOWELL

Oh, there you are. I thought I might find you next to my treasure chest.

Skipper folds his arms across his chest.

SKIPPER

Gilligan's treasure.

MR HOWELL

Gentlemen, I'm sure there's some simple and fair solution.

SKIPPER

And what did you have in mind?

MR HOWELL

Nothing specific. Perhaps tossing a coin, drawing straws, perhaps.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, what about a game of cards? Gentlemen often settle their differences with a game of cards.

MR HOWELL

Now, Lovey, you know that I know nothing about cards.

SKIPPER

Little buddy --

MR. AND MRS. HOWELL

as they mask their conversation with Mrs. Howell's parasol.

MRS HOWELL

(sotto)

Did I do it right, darling?

MR HOWELL

(sotto)

You did absolutely perfect. Little do they know that I'm a champion poker player known as "slipper fingers."

MRS HOWELL

(sotto)

I know.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

discuss strategy.

SKIPPER

(sotto)

He doesn't know it, but he fell right into our trap. I was the best poker player in the whole of the Seventh Fleet. Now we got to make sure that he plays poker.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Well, I think we can be coaxed into a little game of cards.

GILLIGAN

Now wait a minute, where are you going to get the cards?

MR HOWELL

Oh, uh, oh, cards. Yes, yes, by a happy coincidence, I happen to have a deck of cards right here.

SKIPPER

Fine. One game, winner take all?

MR HOWELL

Yes, agreed.

SKIPPER

Should we play gin rummy?

MR HOWELL

Blackjack.

SKIPPER

Casino.

MR HOWELL

Baccarat.

SKIPPER

Red dog.

MR HOWELL

Whist.

SKIPPER

Well, anything but poker, that's my worst game.

MR HOWELL

Mine, too, but we'll play.

SKIPPER

Agreed.

Skipper offers his hand to shake.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. Howell fans the deck of cards in his hand. Mr. Howell cuts and shuffles the deck. He places the deck on the table.

MR HOWELL

You gentlemen will have to excuse me for not knowing too much about cards.

SKIPPER

I'll cut.

Skipper puts his hand on the deck to cut.

MR HOWELL

Not yet.

Mr. Howell slaps his hand. Mr. Howell takes the cards and spreads the cards onto the table. He flips the cards over from one end to the other. Mr. Howell shows several shuffling tricks.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

See, back home I pay attention to more important things. Such as polo playing, fox hunting. But then, of course, from time to time, I did watch the boys play.

Gilligan is amazed at Mr. Howell's camera handiwork, but Skipper reassures him with a firm hand on Gilligan's shoulder.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Now, uh, how many do I deal?

SKIPPER

Why, six, I think.

Skipper and Gilligan look at each other. Gilligan looks at Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Five, isn't it?

MR HOWELL

By George, he's right. I think you deal five.

SKIPPER

All right, whatever you say.

MR HOWELL

Yes, all right. Now you may cut.

Mr. Howell places the deck of cards in front of Skipper. Skipper performs an equally impressive series of actions. He reveals the top card, an Ace of Spades. He shuffles moves and reveals the top card again, an Ace of Spades. Skipper shuffles more and finally cuts the deck with one hand. He places the deck back down on the table.

SKIPPER

Now you may deal.

MR HOWELL

Ready?

Mr. Howell turns over the top card, the Ace of Spades and places it face up on the top of the deck. Mr. Howell proceeds to deal seconds from the deck. Professor enters.

PROFESSOR

Hey, the girls told me the fantastic news. So, that's the treasure chest, huh?

TREASURE CHEST

suspended from the vine.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

That's right, Professor.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Well, it certainly looks like the real thing.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

But I understand there's a question as to the ownership.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, that's why we're playing one game of poker, winner take all.

PROFESSOR

Back home you would never play cards for anything so important.

MR HOWELL

Yes, but back home there are laws about such things. This fellow was in my employ.

SKIPPER

Yeah, well, the law says finders keepers.

PROFESSOR

Well, If you're interested in law, there's one way to settle this legally: a court trial.

MR HOWELL

A court trial, here on this island?

PROFESSOR

Why not? As the law says:

(in Latin)

Lex loci, lex scriptae, lex terrae. Nemo solus sapit.

GILLIGAN

What does that mean?

Professor smiles.

PROFESSOR

Your case comes up Tuesday.

Professor pats Mr. Howell on the shoulder. Skipper looks at Gilligan.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Professor discusses the legal proceeding with Mr. Howell, Gilligan, and Skipper. Gilligan and Skipper sit at the table.

TREASURE CHEST

suspended by the vine.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

And you both have agreed ...

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

... to a trial to establish the ownership of the treasure chest? Right, Mister Howell?

MR HOWELL

Of course, I have a legal right to it.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan?

Gilligan rises from his seat.

GILLIGAN

Skipper says I shouldn't talk to anyone until I talk to my attorney.

PROFESSOR

Well, who's your attorney?

GILLIGAN

Skipper.

MR HOWELL

Professor, I'll pay you a thousand dollars to represent me.

GILLIGAN

But he's gonna be the judge.

MR HOWELL

In that case, I'll double the offer.

Skipper holds a blanket between Mr. Howell and Professor.

SKIPPER

Uh-uh-ah, public official, Mister Howell.

Mr. Howell turns in disgust. Professor laughs.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELL HUT - DAY

Mr. Howell practices his cross-examination techniques with Mrs. Howell. Mrs. Howell sits at their practice witness stand.

MR HOWELL

No more of your evasive replies, just answer "yes" or "no." Did I or did I not hire you to dig the barbecue pit which resulted in your finding the treasure chest?

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, that's very good. You're bound to win.

Mr. Howell sits down next to Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Well, confidentially not, Lovey. You see, this isn't an open and shut case. While I did hire Gilligan, I didn't actually pay him and the Skipper might use that as a loophole.

MRS HOWELL

"Loophole." You know all the legal terms.

MR HOWELL

Why not? After all, I watched Perry Mason for six years. But I can close that loophole if, if --

MRS HOWELL

If what, dear?

Mr. Howell reaches under a pillow and pulls out a pile of cash and fans it to show how much is there.

MR HOWELL

If I can get Gilligan to take the money now.

Mr. Howell laughs and stands.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan stands high up on a ladder and picks coconuts from a tree. Mr. Howell walks closer.

MR HOWELL

Oh, there you are, Gilligan. I -- I've been looking all over for you.

GILLIGAN

Oh, you have? I've been right up here.

MR HOWELL

Yes, well, I -- I want to pay you for the -- the work that you did for me.

Gilligan climbs down the ladder.

GILLIGAN

But Mister Howell, I never finished digging the barbecue pit. I only dug for ten minutes.

MR HOWELL

At least let me pay you for the time that you dug. Will a hundred dollars be enough?

Mr. Howell holds out a $100 bill.

GILLIGAN

A hundred dollars? That's almost five hundred dollars an hour.

MR HOWELL

Six hundred, but who's counting?

Gilligan reaches for the bill. Skipper appears from the bushes.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, don't take that money.

Gilligan and Mr. Howell are startled.

GILLIGAN

Why not, Skipper?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, he's hoping that you'll take the money because it'll strengthen his claim on the treasure chest.

(to Howell)

From now on, you are not to talk to my client.

MR HOWELL

All right, I'll see you in court.

Mr. Howell holds up the bill to Gilligan. Gilligan walks toward it, but Mr. Howell spins around and exits. Skipper blocks Gilligan from following Mr. Howell.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan heats rocks in a pan over the campfire. He touches the pan to see that it is hot. He picks it up using a removable handle and carries it inside the hut.

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Gilligan places the pan down on another group of rocks. Gilligan smooths his shirt out on the ironing board. He uses the pan of hot rocks to iron his shirt.

Gilligan places one hand under the collar of his shirt. He runs the pan over his hand and exclaims that it is hot, but the removable handle comes free. Gilligan struggles to reattach the handle. He moves the pan off of his hand and then removes his hand from the collar of his shirt.

Gilligan brings his hand to his face and kisses it. Gilligan places his burned hand to his shoulder and continues ironing. Ginger enters and swings the door shut behind her.

GINGER

(sultry)

Hi, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Oh, hi Ginger. I'm just ironing my shirt. My lawyer said I got to look the best for the trial.

GINGER

(sultry)

You're cute.

Ginger touches Gilligan's burned hand.

GILLIGAN

Ow. Skipper's not here.

Gilligan climbs under his ironing board and emerges from the other side.

GINGER

(sultry)

I didn't come to see him.

GILLIGAN

Well, the Professor's not here, either.

GINGER

(sultry)

I came to see you.

Ginger crawls under the ironing board.

GILLIGAN

Yeah?

Gilligan puts on his rugby shirt. Ginger emerges on Gilligan's side of the ironing board. Ginger slowly approaches Gilligan, backing him to the hut's wall.

GINGER

(sultry)

Ever since I've been on this island, I've been forcing myself to stay away from you, Gilligan. Just to fool the Skipper and the Professor.

GILLIGAN

You fooled me pretty good, too.

GINGER

(sultry)

Look at me, Gilligan. Can't you tell what I've got bottled up inside of me?

GILLIGAN

No, but it sure is trying to get out.

Ginger grasps Gilligan's shoulders and brings him close.

GINGER

(sultry)

Let me tell you how --

(recoils)

Oh, you're hot.

Gilligan pushes his arm through the hut wall.

GILLIGAN

Just my buttons.

GINGER

Would you do me a favor?

EXT. BOYS HUT - CONTINUOUS

Skipper picks up coconuts. Skipper notices Gilligan's arm, poked through the hut wall, thrashing around.

GINGER (O.S.)

Forget about that old chest. I mean, just admit that you were working for Mister Howell.

Skipper tosses the coconuts to the ground as he moves to the window.

INT. BOYS HUT - CONTINUOUS

Ginger approaches Gilligan again.

GINGER

(sultry)

Okay?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, and --

SKIPPER

pokes his head through the window and lifts the curtain.

SKIPPER

And ...

RETURN TO SCENE

Ginger turns to the window.

SKIPPER

admonishes Ginger.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

... you can stay away from Gilligan. Ginger, you can go back to Mister Howell and tell him that it didn't work.

Ginger purses her face at Gilligan.

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper and Gilligan prepare for trial. Skipper paces in the hut, instructing Gilligan about the trial. Gilligan sits and listens.

SKIPPER

That's right, Gilligan. It's not only important to tell the truth but it's also important how you tell it. Now, let's get the story straight, right from the beginning.

GILLIGAN

Okay, let's see. You told me to go cut some bamboo for a fish trap and Mister Howell said he had a job --

SKIPPER

Hold it. Did he say "job"?

GILLIGAN

No.

SKIPPER

Then don't mention it. Now, remember the five points we went over. If you get stuck at the trial, just look over to me and I'll give you an answer by holding up a finger. Now let's try it.

SKIPPER

points to his thumb.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Mister Howell wanted you to do something for him.

Skipper points to his index finger.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

He showed you where he wanted the barbecue pit.

GILLIGAN

listens intently.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

He never mentioned the word "job," never talked about "money" ...

SKIPPER

points to his pinky finger.

SKIPPER

... and never paid you a penny. Now, you got that?

GILLIGAN

smiles.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

SKIPPER

holds out his thumb.

SKIPPER

What's that?

GILLIGAN

answers literally.

GILLIGAN

Your thumb.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

No, that's Mister Howell asking you to do something for him.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, I see. That's pretty good, Skipper.

SKIPPER

extends his pinky finger.

SKIPPER

What's that?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Mr. Howell never paid me a single pinkie. Penny.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Right, Gilligan, remember that!

EXT. BOYS HUT - CONTINUOUS

Mr. Howell passes by the boys hut and hears them coaching Gilligan for the trial.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Don't worry, I'll remember.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

You'll remember everything, even if we have to sit up all night.

MR HOWELL

Tampering with a witness. I'll file charges.

Mr. Howell exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor sits at a table with pencil and paper. Mr. Howell stands and recounts the witness tampering.

PROFESSOR

Now, Mister Howell, take it easy. Tell me again, what were his exact words?

MR HOWELL

Well, Gilligan said that he'd get it straight, you see. And the Skipper said he'd make sure he did if it took all night. So, I want to prefer charges in court.

PROFESSOR

But Mister Howell, Counsel has the right to go over testimony with his client.

MR HOWELL

Wait a minute, whose side are you on?

PROFESSOR

Why, I'm not on anybody's side.

Professor puts the paper he's holding onto the stack of paper. Professor writes on the paper.

MR HOWELL

You're not? We'll take care of that.

Mr. Howell removes cash from his pocket.

EXT. JUNGLE - CONTINUOUS

Skipper and Gilligan walk through the jungle and notice the discussion between Professor and Mr. Howell.

SKIPPER

We'll start all over again. Hey, I wonder what's going on over there.

They walk briskly.

EXT. CAMP - CONTINUOUS

Professor stands. Mr. Howell holds a handful of cash.

PROFESSOR

I hope you're not thinking of offering me a bribe.

MR HOWELL

Why, of course not. I -- but I -- Do you recall two weeks ago at dinner when I asked someone to pass me the papaya juice, and you did? Well, I want to pay you for that service. Will five thousand dollars be --

PROFESSOR

No, no, no.

Skipper and Gilligan rush in.

SKIPPER

A-ha. I caught you red-handed, Howell, trying to bribe a public official. Your Honor, I want to file charges.

Professor walks away from all of them.

PROFESSOR

First trial hasn't even started, and I've already got two more cases on the docket.

Professor exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

An American flag hangs in the background. Mary Ann prepares the judges bench. Ginger straightens papers on the bench.

SKIPPER

(to Professor)

Are you ready?

Skipper pounds his palm on the bench.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Everyone take their places. The first Superior Court of this island ...

TREASURE CHEST

hangs from the vine.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

... is now in session.

PROFESSOR

sits down on the bench.

SKIPPER (O.S.) (cont'd)

The Honorable Professor presiding.

PROFESSOR

Be seated.

BACK TO SCENE

The castaways sit.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Since everyone is familiar with the case we will dispense the reading of the complaint and counter-charges. Skipper, you may call your first witness.

MR HOWELL

I object.

PROFESSOR

To what?

MR HOWELL

I want to call my witnesses first.

PROFESSOR

But, Mister Howell, I --

MR HOWELL

If you don't let me, I'm gonna take back my cape.

SKIPPER

Professor, that is, Your Honor, it's perfectly all right with me if Mister Howell calls his witnesses first.

PROFESSOR

All right, Mister Howell, you may call your first witness.

MR HOWELL

Thank you, Your Honor. I call as my first witness a Missus Thurston Howell the Third to the -- oh, there you go.

PROFESSOR

Missus Howell, you may take the stand.

Mr. Howell helps Mrs. Howell up onto the stand. She sits, but nearly loses her balance.

MR HOWELL

Now, Missus Thurston Howell the Third will you tell the court the events that took place the morning of the fifth?

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston, that was beautiful. You really ought to be on "The Defenders." But you forgot to point your finger at me.

SKIPPER

Your Honor, I object!

Skipper stands.

PROFESSOR

What are you objecting to?

SKIPPER

Your Honor, I feel that they've rehearsed her testimony.

MR HOWELL

No more than he's rehearsed Gilligan's.

SKIPPER

And you brought me before this court on charges, well, I want to file charges, Your Honor.

PROFESSOR

All right, but you'll have to wait your turn. That would be case number four. Now please, let us get on with the testimony.

Professor bangs his coconut gavel onto the bench.

MR HOWELL

Your Honor, would you mind getting another gavel?

PROFESSOR

Why?

MR HOWELL

Well, that one's squirting milk all over.

Mr. Howell turns to reveal his face splashed with coconut milk. He wipes his face with a handkerchief.

PROFESSOR

Please, let's get on with the case.

Gilligan's council returns to their bench. Mr. Howell returns to the witness stand.

MR HOWELL

Now, Missus Howell, if you please.

MRS HOWELL

Well, now, let's see. Oh, that was the morning that Mister Howell offered Gilligan a job. And he agreed to dig the barbecue pit.

MR HOWELL

Thank you very much, Missus Howell. Your witness.

SKIPPER

(aside to Gilligan)

Watch me break her testimony.

(to witness)

Missus Howell, did Mister Howell use those exact words -- that he had a "job for him," or did he say that he had "something he wanted Gilligan to do" for him?

MR HOWELL

I object!

PROFESSOR

What is your objection?

MR HOWELL

Just give me a minute, I'll think of something.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Ginger sits on the witness stand. Mr. Howell examines her.

MR HOWELL

Miss Ginger Grant, just tell the court do you recall hearing me say that I was hiring Gilligan?

GINGER

Yes, Mister Howell. You told me that you'd just hired Gilligan to dig the barbecue pit.

SKIPPER

Howell bribed her the same way he tried to bribe you.

MR HOWELL

That is defamation of character. I want to sue that man for libel and slander.

PROFESSOR

That will be case number five.

Professor pounds the gavel. Milk squirts onto Mr. Howell.

GINGER

He said I was bribed. I want to file charges, too.

PROFESSOR

Case number six.

Professor pounds the gavel.

MR HOWELL

Your Honor, I do wish you'd get another gavel.

Mr. Howell wipes the coconut milk from his glasses and face.

SKIPPER

(sotto, to Gilligan)

Ginger's very damaging to us.

GILLIGAN

(sotto, to Skipper)

Yeah, her testimony.

SKIPPER

(sotto, to Gilligan)

No, her legs.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mary Ann sits on the witness stand. Skipper examines her.

MARY ANN

I'd gone to ask Gilligan if I could help him with his fish trap. But he said he first had to do "a favor" for Mister Howell.

SKIPPER

A-ha. It was "a favor."

MR HOWELL

Your Honor, I want to file charges against Mary Ann.

PROFESSOR

Against Mary Ann, for what?

MR HOWELL

For murder.

PROFESSOR

Murder?

MR HOWELL

Her testimony is killing me.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan sits on the witness stand. Skipper examines him.

SKIPPER

Did Mister Howell at any time ever call it a job?

GILLIGAN

No.

SKIPPER

Did he, in fact, ever pay you any money for it?

GILLIGAN

No.

SKIPPER

(sotto, to Gilligan)

Nice testimony, Gilligan. Now, if you get stuck for an answer during the rest of the trial, just look over at me, and I'll hold up a finger.

(to court)

Your witness, Mr. Howell.

Mr. Howell cross-examines Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, my boy, isn't it true that I hired you that morning?

SKIPPER

holds up his thumb.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan holds up his thumb. Mr. Howell notices.

GILLIGAN

You asked me if I had time to do something for you.

SKIPPER

brushes a BUZZING fly away.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

You never paid me a single penny.

MR HOWELL

I didn't ask that.

SKIPPER

holds up four fingers and tries to grab the BUZZING fly.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

You showed me where you wanted the barbecue pit.

MR HOWELL

Your Honor!

GILLIGAN

You never talked about something for me to penny mention work a barbecue pit.

Gilligan realizes what he said makes no sense. Mr. Howell approaches the bench.

MR HOWELL

Your Honor, they're using signals. I want to file charges.

Skipper approaches the bench.

SKIPPER

They'll have to wait for mine.

PROFESSOR

Order in the court!

Professor pounds his gavel down on the bench. Coconut milk flies everywhere. Mr. Howell and Skipper flee the bench.

MR HOWELL

Watch it!

Professor pounds the gavel again.

PROFESSOR

Order in the court!

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Skipper sits at counsel's table. Gilligan paces behind him.

GILLIGAN

The Professor's been thinking for half an hour. What could he be thinking about?

SKIPPER

Sit down, Gilligan. You're making me nervous.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Professor paces and thinks. He comes to a conclusion and exits.

EXT. CAMP - CONTINUOUS

Mary Ann sees Professor exiting the jungle. She stands up. The other castaways stand and approach the bench.

MARY ANN

Oh! Rise everybody! The judge is coming back.

Professor enters.

PROFESSOR

Ladies and gentlemen, I have reached a decision.

MR HOWELL

Well, don't keep the boy waiting any longer. Tell him I've won the verdict.

PROFESSOR

Oh, I can't tell him that.

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan, that means the treasure chest is yours.

PROFESSOR

No, wait, wait. Gilligan didn't win, either.

GILLIGAN

Huh?

PROFESSOR

Well, let me explain. Ever since we were shipwrecked on this island we've shared the hardships, the work, the fish we catch, the fruit, the water, everything. We've shared and we've shared alike. And I choose to look upon the treasure chest as one of the natural resources of this island. By custom and usage,

(in Latin)

de facto.

It belongs to all of us.

GILLIGAN

Oh. Well, let's go open it. Come on, come on.

MR HOWELL

Yes, yes.

The castaways leave camp for the treasure chest.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

TREASURE CHEST

hangs from the vine.

BACK TO SCENE

The castaways gather near the vine suspending the treasure chest.

SKIPPER

Gold.

MRS HOWELL

Diamonds.

GILLIGAN

There it is.

Professor carries a knife over to the vine tied to the tree. He holds onto it and raises his arm with the knife to cut the vine.

MR HOWELL

Wait, don't cut that, Professor. I've got to own that treasure chest. Now, no one has seen it. I'll give you a hundred thousand dollars for your five shares of it.

GINGER

A hundred thousand dollars?

PROFESSOR

That's twenty thousand dollars apiece.

SKIPPER

I'll take the treasure chest.

GILLIGAN

Me, too.

MARY ANN

The treasure.

GINGER

Cut the vine, Professor.

Professor moves to cut the vine.

MR HOWELL

Stop! Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.

The other castaways shake their heads. Professor moves to cut the vine.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Stop! A half a million.

Ginger gasps.

GINGER

That's a hundred thousand apiece.

The other castaways nod in agreement.

GINGER (cont'd)

Yes.

PROFESSOR

Mister Howell, you've just bought yourself a treasure.

Professor cuts the vine. The treasure chest drops to the ground and busts open.

TREASURE CHEST

lies on its side, the top opens by gravity and the force of the contents within. Dozens of black spheres, about 3-1/2 inches in diameter, are revealed.

BACK TO SCENE

The castaways look at the content and try to figure out what they are. The Howells move closer.

MR HOWELL

Look at that: Big, giant, black pearls.

Mrs. Howell picks up one of the black spheres.

MRS HOWELL

I wonder what they did to get a little oyster to make a pearl this size.

MR HOWELL

They must've used whips.

Mary Ann looks disapprovingly at Ginger. Mr. Howell looks at the black sphere more closely.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

No, no. It's a cannonball.

Mr. Howell sobs and drops to his knees.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Five hundred thousand dollars, I paid for one broken box of cannonballs.

Mrs. Howell comforts him.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper and Mr. Howell discuss the treasure. Mr. Howell tosses a cannonball in the air and catches it repeatedly.

MR HOWELL

It was sporting of all of you not to accept the money.

SKIPPER

Oh, we couldn't, Mister Howell. We all thought there was treasure in that chest.

MR HOWELL

I still say it was sporting. Stupid, but sporting.

Mr. Howell sits down to Mrs. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, it's your toss.

MR HOWELL

Oh-oh, yes. Yes, of course.

Mr. Howell gets up. Skipper watches intently. Mr. Howell rolls the ball down the bowling lane. Gilligan sits above the the gourds acting as bowling pins. Mr. Howell's throw knocks over some gourds. Gilligan jumps down and counts the gourds knocked over.

GILLIGAN

That's pretty good, Mister Howell. You got two, four, six gourds.

Gilligan rolls the cannonball up the ball return chute. Mr. Howell readies his second ball.

MR HOWELL

Well, as I always say, the family that bowls together, splits.

Mr. Howell throws his second ball.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END