Gilligan's Island Script
Episode #71, "Pass The Vegetables, Please"
(Gilligan finds a crate of radioactive seeds)


                  GILLIGANíS ISLAND


                   "Pass The Vegetables, Please"

                    by

                        Elroy Schwartz



                                        March 22, 1966



                                TEASER

FADE IN:

1.EXT - LAGOON - DAY 

MEDIUM SHOT - GILLIGAN

        We see the skipper walking with a fishing pole as he 
        approaches the lagoon.  Gilligan is seen seated on a 
        rock holding a fishing pole with his line cast into the 
        lagoon.

                                SKIPPER
                        How they biting little buddy?

                                GILLIGAN
                        They're not even gumming!

        The skipper casts his line into the Lagoon and is 
        fishing alongside Gilligan.  Both appear finally to 
        have caught something.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Skipper, I got a bite!

                        A real big one skipper!

                                SKIPPER
                        So do I!  Mine must weigh fifty pounds!

        The skipper and Gilligan are now engaged in a frantic 
        fight with the fish as they both attempt to real it in.  
        In the process they begin to get their lines horribly 
        entangled.
                        
                                SKIPPER
                        Watch it little buddy you're fouling my line!

                        Gilligan you're fouling my line, now get it 
                        loose!

                        Watch my line little buddy, your getting it 
                        all fouled up!

                        Gilligan you're fouling my line now get it 
                        loose!

                        Get it loose!

        In the processes of trying to get their lines untangled 
        the skipper steps back and puts his foot in a pail.
                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan!  AAHHHHHHH!

        The skipper falls back and drops his fishing pole, 
        which starts to go into the Lagoon.

                                SKIPPER

                        Hurry Gilligan get my line!

                        Get my foot out of this bucket!

                        Pull it off!  YAAHHHHHH!

                        Hurry!

        Gilligan pulls the bucket off the skipper's foot and in 
        the process, the skipper loses his shoe.

                                SKIPPER
                        Whose side are you on the fishes!?

        The skipper, having had enough decides to leave.

                                SKIPPER
                        Now catch dinner yourself!

                        Gilligan will you hand me that shoe!?

        The skipper walks off camera as Gilligan is left all 
        alone to fight bringing the fish to shore.

        Gilligan continues to tug and pull the big fish to 
        shore as we see that it's not a fish at all but a small 
        wooden crate with seaweed covering the top. 

                                GILLIGAN
                        If that's a fish it must come packet in cans!

        After hauling the crate ashore, Gilligan removes the 
        top cover setting it aside.  He looks inside and is 
        surprised to see:

                                GILLIGAN
                        OH BOY! Packages of seeds!

                        Beets, Carrots, Spinach! Vegetables?!

                        Skipper, professor look what I caught!

                        Carrots and Beets and Spinach, vegetables!



        We zoom in on the cover laying on the ground to read 
        what's printed on it. The writing reveals:

                                DANGER
                                EXPERIMENTAL
                                RADIO
                                ACTIVE
                                SEEDS

                                                        FADE OUT




                                ACT ONE

FADE IN: EXT - LAGOON - DAY     
                                                
2. CLOSE SHOT - GILLIGAN, SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR.

        We see the Gilligan, the skipper and professor near the 
        crate examining the contents.

                                SKIPPER
                        OH PROFESSOR look at this.
                        We've got Cauliflower, we got Carrots...

                                PROFESSOR
                        Ah-huh Green Peas, Artichokes.

                                SKIPPER
                        Yes, and look at this, Idaho potatoes!
                        It's been so long since I've tasted an Idaho 
                        potato, I won't know what it tastes like!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Are we gonna grow Idaho potatoes?

                                SKIPPER
                        That's right little buddy, we're going to 
                        grow Idaho Potatoes right here!

                                GILLIGAN
                        They're sure gonna have to have long roots.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Gilligan, catching this box of seeds is the 
                        best thing that you've done since we were 
                        marooned.

                                SKIPPER
                        Exactly little buddy, if you were a girl I'd 
                        kiss you.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Lucky me I'm a boy.

                                PROFESSOR
                        With these seeds, we'll have enough 
                        vegetables for as long as we're forced to 
                        stay here.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh and don't forget, Mary Ann was raised on a 
                        farm so She's going to be a big help.


                                GILLIGAN
                        Hey...Hey professor? What's a Truffle?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Why it's a subterranean fungus with solid 
                        tubular like bodies.  It's known for it's 
                        pungent qualities.  It's most delectable.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Yah but can you eat it?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Why it's a gourmet's delight!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Yah but can you eat it?

                                PROFESSOR
                        That's what I've been trying to tell you 
                        Gilligan, it's delicious!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Oh you finally said a word I understood.

                                SKIPPER
                        Boy, wait till the others hear about this!

FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY

        Mr. and Mrs. Howell have the opened crate in front of 
        them and they're examining the different seed packets.

                                MR HOWELL
                        ...a veritable gold mine of goodies!  Lovey 
                        look, your favorite, little, little sugar 
                        beets!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh Thurston it's impossible!

                                GILLIGAN
                        No it says so right there on the package.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        But sugar beets come in cans!

                                GILLIGAN
                        No no first you have to plant them in the 
                        ground.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh please don't be silly.  I've seen them in 
                        their natural habitat, a Super Market.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Not shopping you understand, just sight 
                        seeing.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Actually I was showing some visiting royalty 
                        a poverty pocket.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Mrs. Howell, sugar beets have to come out of 
                        the ground before you can put them in cans.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Hew! What a perfectly ghastly idea!

                                GILLIGAN
                        You'll see when we plant then all in the 
                        ground.

                                MR HOWELL
                        I hope you're using the editorial WE.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Thurston means you can't expect a Howell to 
                        dig in the ground.

                                GILLIGAN
                        But you have to dig before you plant.

                                MR HOWELL
                        If you mention manual labor ONCE more, I'm 
                        gonna order you OFF the property!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Now you see Gilligan your silly notions have 
                        upset Mr. Howell.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Mrs. Howell if you really want sugar beets...
        
                                MRS HOWELL
                        Well I do, I do, I just adore them!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Well we all have to pitch in then.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh well I intend to do my part I assure you.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Good...Dig, plant, water, fertilize or Pick?

                        Which would you rather do?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Eat!

        Gilligan picks up the crate of seeds and walks out.a

FLIP TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        Mary Ann is examining the seed packets in the crate 
        that Gilligan has brought.

                                MARY ANN
                        Beets...Squash...Lettuce...

                        GILLIGAN
                        My favorite is spinach.

                        MARY ANN
                        Huh, my favorite doesn't seem to be here.

                        Well, spinach...cucumbers.  Truffles?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Don't you know what a Truffle is?

                                MARY ANN
                        No.  We never grew any in Kansas.

                                GILLIGAN
                        A Truffle is a subterranean tube that runs 
                        into a fungus.  That runs into a fungus!?

                                MARY ANN
                        What?!

                                GILLIGAN
                        I wish the professor would learn to speak 
                        English.

                                MARY ANN
                        Radishes..Swiss Cha...CARROTS!

                                GILLIGAN
                        You like Carrots?

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh like them, I LOVE them!

                        Oh Gilligan they're awfully good for you.

                        Well the more you eat the better your 
                        eyesight!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Everybody knows that Carrots are good for 
                        your eyes!

                                MARY ANN
                        Why certainly!

                                GILLIGAN
                        After all, did you ever see a rabbit wearing 
                        glasses?

        Gilligan walks off camera.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN CLEARING - DAY

        Gilligan is pulling a plow with the skipper at the 
        reins.  Gilligan is wearing a harness and has a bone in 
        his mouth, which is being used as a bit.

                                SKIPPER
                        Whoa Gilligan.  WHOA GILLIGAN!

                        Gilligan your suppose to turn a little to the 
                        left!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Skipper I've never been a horse before.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well how much do you need to know to be a 
                        horse?

                        We'll go over it again.

                        Now, when I pull a little, you turn a little.
                        When I pull a lot, you turn a lot.
                        When I pull on both of them you're suppose to 
                        stop!

        The skipper pulls too hard and Gilligan is pulled 
        backwards right into the skipper.

                                SKIPPER
                        You got it!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Got it.

                                SKIPPER
                        All right let's try it again.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Isn't it time for lunch?

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan, horses don't eat lunch.
                        Now lets get going.

        Skipper makes a clicking noise to get the horse 
        (Gilligan) moving.

                                SKIPPER
                        CHK  CHK  CHK  CHK

                                GILLIGAN
                        Huh?

                                SKIPPER
                        What do you do when I say CHK  CHK  CHK  CHK.

                                GILLIGAN
                        (Gilligan whinnies like a horse)

FLIP TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY

        Mary Ann is examining the soil of the garden with the 
        professor watching.

                                MARY ANN
                        Good soil but it's much to heavy for new 
                        plants.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Yes the water won't drain well enough to keep 
                        the seeds moist.

                                GILLIGAN
                        You better think of something quick.  The 
                        skippers sitting at the table with a napkin 
                        tucked under his chin.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well he's going to sit there for quite awhile 
                        because with this type of soil, it'll take 
                        even long for the vegetables to come up.



                                MARY ANN
                        I think my father use to use sand or 
                        something to help the drainage.

                                PROFESSOR
                        That's a good idea.  Plenty of sand at the 
                        lagoon.

        Both Mary Ann and the professor take a look at 
        Gilligan.  Gilligan starts to laugh in disbelief.

                                MARY ANN
                        Gilligan.

                                GILLIGAN
                        AH look, I did all the weeding, and the 
                        planting, and the watering and everything!

                                PROFESSOR
                        An excellent job at that!

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh and we do need the sand.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Ok, but I bet your father didn't grow 
                        anything on his farm of his!

                                MARY ANN
                        He DID too!

                                GILLIGAN
                        How could he, I wasn't there to do all the 
                        work!

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - LAGOON - DAY

        Gilligan is gathering up sand for the garden.  He's 
        using the lid of the crate to scrape sand into a 
        bucket. We see the "Danger" printing clearly on the 
        lid.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY

        Gilligan can be seen clearly by a rock, but what he's 
        working can not be. The skipper approaches to check on 
        the gardens progress.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan are you almost finished?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Almost.

        The skipper finally sees what Gilligan has been working 
        on.

                                SKIPPER
                        A SAND castle!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        I had some extra sand.

                                SKIPPER
                        Looks like I'm wasting my time trying to mold 
                        YOUR character.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Is that what you're trying to do?

                                SKIPPER
                        Why certainly Gilligan.  Why do you suppose I 
                        have you chop the wood, bring up water, pick 
                        up coconuts and work on the farm?  I'm trying 
                        to strengthen your character.  I'm trying to 
                        make you officer material.


                                GILLIGAN
                        Me an officer!? That's impossible!

                                SKIPPER
                        Why?

                                GILLIGAN
                        I'm too busy being the whole crew!

                                SKIPPER
                        Spread the sand Gilligan!  You just don't 
                        underst...

        Gilligan throws sand all over the skipper.

                                SKIPPER
                        OVER THERE!

DISSOLVE TO: SHOT OF MORNING SUNRISE OVER THE OCEAN THROUGH 
SOME PALM TREES

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY

        Three days later.

        We see the plants in the garden growing at a fantastic 
        rate. Gilligan walks on camera holding a watering can 
        made from bamboo. HE proceeds along the garden rows 
        watering as he goes. He turns around only to see that 
        the vegetables have grown to almost full size.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Hey skipper, Professor Mary Ann!

                                PROFESSOR
                        What's the matter!

                                GILLIGAN
                        The spinach is growing!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh that's impossible!

                                GILLIGAN
                        It is? Look!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh we only planted it three days ago!

                                MARY ANN
                        Gilligan what's the matter?

                                GILLIGAN
                        The Spinach is growing!

                                MARY ANN
                        Well it can't be!  It takes at...
                        Professor!

                                PROFESSOR
                        They look like Spinach plants.

                                MARY ANN
                        Well the Carrots are they coming up too?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Are they!  Look!

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh, oh, the Carrots arenít they beautiful!?

                                SKIPPER
                        Is...is something wrong little buddy?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Nothings wrong, everything's perfect!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well it seems that our vegetables have not 
                        only taken root, but they've begun to grow at 
                        a most miraculous rate!

                                MARY ANN
                        Well just look they're popping up all over 
                        the place!

                                SKIPPER
                        Little buddy I want to complement you.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Thanks skipper.

                                SKIPPER
                        You've really done a fine job.
                        Put're there pal!

        The skipper shakes Gilligan's hand as Gilligan ends up 
        pouring water from a watering can, all over the 
        skipper's shoes.

                                SKIPPER
                        GIVE me this Gilligan!

        The skipper takes the watering can from Gilligan and 
        dunks it in the water barrel to fill it up.  He then 
        raises Gilligan's head enough so he can place the 
        nozzle of the can down the front of Gilligan's shirt.  
        He fills up Gilligan's shirt until the point where 
        Gilligan appears almost pregnant.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY

        We see Mr. and Mrs. Howell examining the garden.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh look Lovey...Lovey look, look the...the 
                        Mushrooms are...are mushing!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Yes, but the Beets are beating them.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh you had a witty one!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh thank you dear!

                                MR HOWELL
                        Pretty soon the vegetables will be ready.
                        Gilligan will pick them.  Mary Ann will clean 
                        them, and Ginger will prepare them. 

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Yes, but on second thought, oughtn't we do 
                        something?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh perish the thought!  Every Hive must have 
                        a Queen, the rest are workers.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Yes but I feel a little guilty.  Maybe we 
                        should make some kind of an effort.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Ah, what do you suggest?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Well ah...we could be a, host and hostess at a 
                        dinner party!

                                MR HOWELL
                        A vegetarian do!

FLIP TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY

        Mary Ann is examining the garden when she pulls a very 
        strange looking carrot out of the ground.  The carrot 
        appears to have a large body with four carrots sticking 
        out.

                                MARY ANN
                        I never saw anything like this back on our 
                        farm!  Except under a cow!

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

        Everyone is standing around the table.  There are a 
        large number of strange vegetables covering the table.  
        The castaways are all astounded at what they see.

                                MARY ANN
                        Strange looking vegetables!
                                
                        What are these?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Cucumbers I think.

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh and what's this funny looking thing...corn?

        We see what appears to be a circular ear of corn.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well I...I...I guess that this is budget corn 
                        Mary Ann.

                                MARY ANN
                        Budget corn?

        The skipper places the ring of corn over his head.

                                SKIPPER
                        Yes, a, making both ends meet!

                        A vegetarians delight!

                                GILLIGAN
                        They sure are funny looking!

                                SKIPPER
                        Well who cares what they look like.  We've 
                        got fresh vegetables!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Perhaps being submerged in salt water has had 
                        an effect on the seeds.

                                MARY ANN
                        If my father ever saw string beans like this 
                        I think he'd faint!

                                GILLIGAN
                        They look more like Pretzel beans.

                                SKIPPER
                        Pretzels...Oh if we only had some beer to go 
                        with them!

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

        Everyone is seated at the table.  On the table are a 
        wide variety of vegetables in bowls and plates.  There 
        is a lot of conversation going on that appears to be ad 
        lib.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Skipper, pass the spinach please.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh Gilligan that's the forth helping of 
                        spinach you've had!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Sixth, I snuck two.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Ah...Ah Ginger, would you please pass the 
                        Artichokes my dear.

                                GINGER
                        Oh sure Mr. Howell, do you like them?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Thank you.

                        The way you prepared them reminds me of my 
                        chef Herman.  The ONLY thing about you that 
                        reminds me of my chef Herman!

        Everyone is asking for their favorite vegetables.

                                SKIPPER
                        Professor, please the a, string beans.

                                MARY ANN
                        Mrs. Howell please pass the carrots.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh yes of course dear.

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh we don't grow carrots like this back home.

                                PROFESSOR
                        I never realized how much I missed vegetables 
                        until now.

                                GINGER
                        I think the two things that I miss the most 
                        are, are vegetables and dates.

                                GILLIGAN
                        We have plenty of dates here on the island.

                                GINGER
                        Not the kind I miss.

                                SKIPPER
                        Professor, please the a, the string beans?


                                MR HOWELL
                        Would you ah...may I have the Artichokes?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Since we all seem to have our favorite 
                        vegetables, lets move them near us.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Spinach next to me.

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh the carrots please.


                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh I just love beets, I want the beets!

                        I adore sugar beets!

        Everyone is talking with each other about passing the 
        vegetables.  They are still dishing up vegetables and 
        having a great time.  The radio has been playing music 
        in the back ground when all of a sudden the radio 
        announcer starts to speak of the seeds.

                                RADIO ANNOUNCER
                        WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A NEWS BULLETIN 
                        FROM THE EXPERIMENTAL AGRICULTURAL 
                        LABRATORIES IN HAWAII.  IT SEEMS THAT A BOX 
                        CONTAINING RADIOACTIVE SEEDS IS MISSING.

                                PROFESSOR
                        SHHHHHHH everyone, I think he said something 
                        about seeds!

        Everyone gets completely quiet.

                                RADIO ANNOUNCER
                        THE VEGETABLE SEEDS WERE IN A SMALL WOODEN 
                        CRATE AND INDIVIDUALLY PACKAGED.  THESE 
                        RADIOACTIVE SEEDS ARE OF AN EXPERIMENTAL 
                        NATURE AND CONSIDERED DANGEROUS.  THE BOX IS 
                        CLEARLY LABELED, DANGER, EXPERIMENTAL, 
                        RADIOACTIVE.  ON THE CHANCE THEY DID NOT FALL 
                        OVERBOARD, ANYONE FINDING THEM OR KNOWING 
                        ANYTHING ABOUT THEM, PLEASE CONTACT THE 
                        AGRICULTURAL DEPARTMENT IN HAWAII.  LET ME 
                        REPEAT.  THE SEEDS ARE RADIOACTIVE AND 
                        CONSIDERED EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.  NOW BACK TO 
                        OUR PROGRAM OF CHEERY DAYTIME TUNES.

        The professor leans over and turns off the radio.

                                GINGER
                        Professor, do you suppose that?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well he did say that the crate was clearly 
                        labeled.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well...we...we...well when Gilligan showed us 
                        the crate it didn't have a cover on it did it.

                                GILLIGAN
                        I took the cover off.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Do you know where it is?

        Gilligan gets up and picks up his chair as he says:

                                GILLIGAN
                        Made it into this bench right here.

        He lifts it up and we clearly see the DANGER label.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Nothing there, see!

                                                        FADE OUT:


                                ACT TWO
FADE IN:

ESTABLISHING SHOT: A SET OF PALM TREES WAVING IN THE WIND

CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

        Everyone except the professor is seated around the 
        table.  The professor is standing at the head of the 
        table referring to a book he's holding.  The camera 
        slowly zooms in for a professor only close-up as he 
        speaks.

                                PROFESSOR
                        ...Course this book is dated.  It doesn't 
                        contain much information about the 
                        consumption of radioactive food.  However, it 
                        does say that it's entirely possible that it 
                        could be fatal.  But on the other hand it 
                        doesn't say it MUST be fatal.  So you see 
                        there's no...

        The camera pulls back to reveal that all but the 
        professor as fainted.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Now what could I have said to make them 
                        faint?

DISSOLVE TO: INT - HUT - DAY

        Gilligan is in the upper hammock and the skipper is in 
        the lower one.  The professor is seated at a table 
        still reading his book and looking perplexed.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan are you frightened?

                                GILLIGAN
                        No.

                                SKIPPER
                        Your not!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        I'm too scared to be frightened.

        The professor suddenly realizes something as he 
        continues to read his book.

                                PROFESSOR
                        How dumb can I be!?

                                SKIPPER
                        Dumb?  Well you're the smartest man I ever 
                        knew!

                                PROFESSOR
                        How could I be so stupid!?
                        Of all the dumb...

                                SKIPPER
                        Well professor a, don't call yourself dumb 
                        just cause you can't find a cure for this 
                        disease.

                                PROFESSOR
                        We're doing the wrong thing!  Lying still 
                        could kill us!  We should be moving around!

        At hearing this, Gilligan and the skipper jump out of 
        their hammocks and start a frantic race for the door.  
        The professor leads the two out of the hut while 
        Gilligan and the skipper continue their unorganized 
        departure.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - LAGOON - DAY

        We see Mary Ann and the skipper near the edge of the 
        lagoon pacing back and for.  Mary Ann is looking tired.

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh skipper I've got to sit down I'm 
                        exhausted!

                                SKIPPER
                        Don't sit down Mary Ann, come on now.  Don't 
                        you remember the professor said to keep 
                        our...our blood circulating, otherwise that 
                        radioactive stuff will settle in one place!  
                        Now come on!

                                MARY ANN
                        But I'm tired!  After all I haven't got your 
                        legs!

                                SKIPPER
                        Well...we...well it's a good thing you haven't 
                        Mary Ann other wise you couldn't get in those 
                        shorts.

        Mary Ann suddenly looks up in amazement as she looks 
        out at the ocean.

                                MARY ANN
                        Skipper a boat look!

                                SKIPPER
                        Where!?

                                MARY ANN
                        Over there!

INSERT: SHOT OF OCEAN THROUGH THE PALM TREES.

                                SKIPPER
                        Where!? I don't see anything.

                                MARY ANN
                        It's white with blue trim and...and has a 
                        bridge or something covered in glass and a 
                        lifeboat hanging on the end.

                                SKIPPER
                        Are you sure!?  I don't see anything.
                        Mary Ann are you all right?

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh I'm feeling fi...
                        Oh skipper I'm not seeing things!  There's a 
                        boat right over there!

                                SKIPPER
                        Professor!  Quick!

                        Mary Ann I think that radioactive stuff is 
                        making you see things!

                        Professor!  Quick!
                        Come on Mary Ann!

DISOLVE TO: EXT-HUT-DAY

        Mary Ann and the skipper come running on camera from 
        the lagoon looking for the professor.

                                SKIPPER
                        Professor!  Professor!

                                PROFESSOR
                        What's the matter!?

                                SKIPPER
                        Where's...Oh there you are.  Mary Ann sees a 
                        boat out there.


                                MARY ANN
                        It's white with blue trim.

INSERT: SHOT OF THE OCEAN THROUGH THE PALM TREES

                                PROFESSOR
                        But I don't see anything out there but water 
                        Mary Ann.

                                MARY ANN
                        I can even see the people on the deck!  
                        Oh...there's a man in a red and white-stripped 
                        tee shirt.  Another man in a, in a blue shirt 
                        and blue slacks, and two beautiful women in 
                        bikinis.

                                SKIPPER
                        OH I wish I could see that!

                                PROFESSOR
                        But I don't see anything out there.

                                MARY ANN
                        I know I'm not imagining it!  Why, it's just 
                        as plain as your book over there.

                                PROFESSOR
                        You can see my book?

                                MARY ANN
                        Well of course!  It's on the stump.

                        ON the hill!

                                PROFESSOR
                        But that's a half a mile away!

                                MARY ANN
                        It's ah, turned to page one seventeen, some 
                        sort of chemical equation...hree N O two plus 
                        H two O equals two H N O three plus N O.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well that's incredible!

                                SKIPPER
                        Well but professor, if she can see the 
                        book...maybe there is a boat out there!

                                MARY ANN
                        Why would I say there was a boat out there if 
                        there wasn't?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well keep your eye on the boat just in case.  
                        Come on skipper, let's go build a signal 
                        fire!

        Mary Ann starts to try and signal the boat with yelling 
        and waving her arms.

                                MARY ANN
                        OVER HERE!  Oh come over here!

                                SKIPPER
                        Boy professor, what a great time to be 
                        rescued.  Now they can take us to the 
                        hospital and, and we can get cured of the 
                        radioactive whatchamacallit what ever it is.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Skipper that's it!  That's the reason for her 
                        fantastic eyesight!

                                SKIPPER
                        What are you talking about?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well Mary Ann ate those carrots.  Now the 
                        radioactive treatment of those seeds must 
                        have magnified the Carotene!

                                SKIPPER
                        Carotene?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well that's the chemical in carrots that's 
                        necessary for good eyesight!

                                SKIPPER
                        Well then that proves that she saw that boat 
                        out there!  Come on let's get this fire 
                        started.

                        GILLIGAN!  GILLIGAN!

        Gilligan comes running on camera from behind the hut.

                                GILLIGAN
                        What are you doing?

                                SKIPPER
                        Well obviously Gilligan we're building a 
                        fire.


                                GILLIGAN
                        For a merit badge huh?

                                SKIPPER
                        No not for a merit badge!  We're trying to 
                        signal that boat out there!

                                GILLIGAN
                        What boat?

INSERT: SHOT OF OCEAN THROUGH THE PALM TREES

                                SKIPPER
                        The boat out there!

                                GILLIGAN
                        I don't see any boat.

                                SKIPPER
                        Of course you don't.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Do you?

                                SKIPPER
                        No!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Professor do you see the boat?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh I can't see it either.

                                GILLIGAN
                        But it's out there right?

                                SKIPPER
                        Look, Mary Ann saw the boat out there.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Can you see Mary Ann?

                                SKIPPER
                        No, how can I see Mary Ann when she's not 
                        even here?

                                GILLIGAN
                        The same way you can see the boat.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan will stop that!  Will you go get 
                        some firewood for the fire?

                                GILLIGAN
                        To signal the boat that we can't see right?

                                SKIPPER
                        Exactly!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Professor, what kind of boat is it we can't 
                        see?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Ah...white with blue trim, and it's got two 
                        men and two women on it.

                                SKIPPER
                        Yah and the women are wearing bikinis!

                                GILLIGAN
                        OOOOOO I wish I could see them...even if 
                        they're not there!

                                SKIPPER
                        For the last time Gilligan, will you get over 
                        to that tree and get some fire wood for the 
                        fire!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        I have a better idea!

                                SKIPPER
                        What!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Since we're make believing there's a boat, 
                        let's make believe we have a fire!

                                SKIPPER
                        GILLIGAN!!

                                GILLIGAN
                        I'm going.  You don't have to yell.

                                SKIPPER
                        YES I DO! Now will you get the firewood!?

CUT TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        Gilligan is seen walking on camera and over to a fallen 
        tree.  We see Gilligan ponder what to do as he grabs 
        the tree by a large branch and lifts the entire tree 
        off the ground to his amazement.  


        The skipper looks up and sees what Gilligan is 
        doing in amazement.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Skipper?  Where do you want it?

                                SKIPPER
                        Professor!

        The skipper and the professor walk off camera and over 
        to where Gilligan is.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan little buddy how did you pick that 
                        tree up!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        With one hand!

                                SKIPPER
                        Wha...well it must be hollow!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well it must weigh four or five hundred 
                        pounds!

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh that's ridiculous professor.  If it 
                        weighed four or five hundred pounds he 
                        couldn't lift it up!

        Skipper tries to pick up the tree by the same branch 
        that Gilligan used and can't seem to budge the tree.

                                SKIPPER
                        I can't budge it!

                        Gilligan, how did you do that!?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Spinach, the spinach, Gilligan kept eating 
                        the spinach.  The radioactive treatment of 
                        the seeds must have magnified the potency of 
                        the oxalic minerals.  That's how you get 
                        strength from eating spinach!

                                SKIPPER
                        Well right now let's worry about that boat 
                        out there!

                        Gilligan since you're so strong, break off 
                        those branches and get the fire going real 
                        good!


        Gilligan breaks off a few of the branches and is 
        looking rather smug about it.

                                SKIPPER
                        All right Gilligan now will you stop playing 
                        games and put it on the fire!

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh you can forget about the fire, the boats 
                        gone.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan this is all your fault!  IF you 
                        hadn't found that crate of seeds out there!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Now hold it skipper, hold it.  We were all 
                        excited about finding those seeds, and he 
                        didn't know they were contaminated.

                                SKIPPER
                        Of course your right professor, I'm sorry 
                        little buddy, forgive me...

        The skipper starts to shake Gilligan's hand and 
        Gilligan's extra strength starts to show.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan will you let go!  You're crushing my 
                        hand!

                                MARY ANN
                        What's happened?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well it's those radioactive vegetables Mary 
                        Ann.

                        They've given you fantastic eyesight and 
                        Gilligan super power.  Well the potentials 
                        are unlimited.  Why the increase in the 
                        potency of the vitamins alone could make us 
                        healthier than we ever were before.

                                SKIPPER
                        Yes if they don't kill us first!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Yah we'll be the healthiest dead people 
                        around.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Mrs. Howell!?

                                MARY ANN
                        What about her?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well she kept eating those sugar beets.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well so what.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well sugar is energy.  I wonder what effect 
                        it's had on her?

CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY

        Mrs. Howell is seen moving at twice a person's normal 
        speed as she moves around the hut.  She's putting 
        things away and making beds etc.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Lovey what has happened to you?

                        Lovey slow down!

                        I'm exhausted just watching you!

                        At least take a coffee break!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Good idea!

        Mrs. Howell sits for just a moment and has some more 
        sugar beets to eat.  She gets up and races out the 
        door.  Mr. Howell follows her to the door in amazement.

                                MR HOWELL
                        I may enter that woman in the Olympics.

FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

        Gilligan is seen holding the skipper up who is laying 
        in a lounge chair.  Gilligan appears to be exercising 
        using the skipper as his weights.

                                SKIPPER
                        Hey Gilligan would you mind putting me down.  
                        I'm getting thirsty, I'd like to get 
                        something to drink.

        Gilligan puts the skipper back down on the ground.

                                SKIPPER
                        Thank you little buddy.  Say, what about you?  
                        You've been doing all the exercise, arenít 
                        you thirsty?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Oh yah!  I'll go get us some coconut milk.

                                SKIPPER
                        Fine.


        Gilligan goes to a table with coconuts and picks one, 
        which promptly is crushed.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan you're a walking disaster area.

                        You've got to learn to be careful.

                        Now pick up a coconut, but be gentle.

        Gilligan picks up another coconut, this time without 
        breaking it.

                                SKIPPER
                        There...see, that's much better, now just toss 
                        it over here Gilligan.

        Gilligan tosses the coconut, but way too hard and it 
        sails past the skipper's head and right through the 
        wall of the hut he's sitting next to.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan I told you to be careful!

                                GILLIGAN
                        I'll fix it skipper.

        Gilligan runs over to the hut to fix the hole.

                                SKIPPER
                        NO Gilligan don't touch it!

        It's too late. Gilligan has now torn an even larger 
        hole in the hut wall.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Skipper!  Skipper!  Gilligan!



                                SKIPPER
                        Wa...wa...what's happened!?

                                PROFESSOR
                        I think I've found a cure for us!

                                SKIPPER
                        Wa...Great!

                                GILLIGAN
                        YAH!

                                PROFESSOR
                        I've applied the principles of theoretic 
                        chemistry to the problem of radioactivity.  
                        Now the best preventative for the internal 
                        bombardment of radioactive particles is 
                        through their containment by hydrocarbons.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Would you mind repeating that?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Not at all.

                        I've applied the principals of theoretic 
                        chemistry to the problem of radioactivity.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh come on professor, never mind all the 
                        scientific lingo.  What are you trying to 
                        tell us?

                                PROFESSOR
                        That our best protection against the 
                        vegetables we've eaten is through hydrocar...  
                        well that is to say through plant fats.  And 
                        the best source of plant fat is the soap 
                        we've been making here on the island.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Do you mean we have to take a bath with that 
                        soap?

                                PROFESSOR
                        No we shall have to consume it internally.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Oh thank goodness.  For a minute there I 
                        thought we were going to have to eat it!


FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY

        We see everyone seated at the table with a plate of 
        what appears to be cheese on it, but in fact are bars 
        of soap.

                                GINGER
                        Do we really have to eat soap professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Absolutely!

                                GILLIGAN
                        It seems a shame to wash out my mouth with 
                        soap when I didn't say anything bad.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan, you are going to eat a piece of 
                        soap and I'm going to sit here and see that 
                        you do!

                        Now take a piece of soap!

                        All right now, start eating!

                        Gilligan...eat!

                                GILLIGAN
                        This stuff just tastes awful!

                                SKIPPER
                        Never mind that Gilligan, just do as the 
                        professor says.

        As they continue to eat the soap, large quantities of 
        bubbles are coming out of everyone's mouths.

                                MARY ANN
                        OH!  Just call me bubbles!

                                GINGER
                        OH MY GOODNESS!  This could be the start of a 
                        whole new career!  Ginger Grant, bubble 
                        dancer!

                                PROFESSOR
                        It's working, the hydrocarbons are absorbing 
                        the radioactivity!

                        Keep eating!


                                GILLIGAN
                        When's this going to stop!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Everything's going to be all right!

CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY


        The camera pulls back to reveal the hut and soap 
        bubbles floating all over the place. The castaways can 
        be heard laughing and talking amongst them selves.

                                                        FADE OUT:

                                EPILOG
FADE IN: INT - HUT - NIGHT

        Gilligan is lying in the top hammock as the skipper 
        works on the door of the hut.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan, the professor said we're all cured.
                        Isn't that good news?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Yah, but that soap didn't taste bad after you 
                        got use to it.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh I thought it tasted awful!

        Gilligan is seen sneaking a bite of the soap and hiding 
        it from the skipper.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Mmmm, I thought it tasted good.

                        SKIPPER
                        Gilligan, are you eating something?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Me?

                                SKIPPER
                        Your not eating...your not eating anymore of 
                        that soap!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        What ever gave you that..Hip..Hip..Hip..

        As Gilligan hiccups a giant bubble forms.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan!  Gilligan?

        The giant bubble that was forming as Gilligan hiccuped
        is getting bigger.  The skipper places his fingers in 
        his ears just before the bubble finally explodes with a 
        loud boom!


                                                        FADE OUT:
                                END CREDITS