Gilligan's Island Script
Episode #91, "High Man on the Totem Pole"
(Gilligan and the Skipper find a totem pole and the head of it looks just like Gilligan.)

GILLIGANíS ISLAND "High Man on the Totem Pole" By Brad Radnitz Air Date: February 27, 1967 TEASER FADE IN: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY Gilligan and the skipper are walking through the thick jungle trying to find their way back to their hut. SKIPPER Maybe I'd better start finding our way back huh? GILLIGAN Don't worry skipper, I know exactly where we are. SKIPPER You do? Where are we? GILLIGAN We're lost! SKIPPER Oh Gilligan! Well judging from the sky, I think if we head directly east we'll eventually hit the beach. Gilligan is in agreement but doesn't move much. SKIPPER Yeah well go on. Gilligan leads the way through the jungle but has problems with a large vine. Through his struggles, the skipper too is entangled in the vine. SKIPPER Will you leave that vine alone Gilligan! The skipper gets things untangled and is getting impatient. SKIPPER Move! Gilligan continues through the jungle and is faced with a wall of foliage. He parts the foliage and comes face to face with an ugly carved face. Gilligan immediately lets out a yell, turns and runs into the skipper. SKIPPER What is wrong with you! GILLIGAN lead the way! The skipper takes the lead and parts the foliage as Gilligan did and sees the same ugly carved face. The skipper reacts at the sight but realizes what it must be. He parts the foliage farther to get a better look. SKIPPER Must be some kind of a native totem pole. GILLIGAN Did you ever see a meaner looking face? The camera pans upward along the totem pole and stops at a carve head at the top. SKIPPER Look at that horrible one. GILLIGAN Yeah that's a horrible face and...that face is mine! The carved head at the top looks exactly like Gilligan. The carved head is all we see as we... FADE OUT: ACT ONE FADE IN: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY - CREDITS OVERLAYED Gilligan, the skipper and the professor are in the jungle near the totem pole. They are clearing away the foliage from around the totem pole. PROFESSOR Ah...Itís a totem pole all right! The professor examines the totem pole closely. PROFESSOR Carved by the Kupaki. GILLIGAN Kupa who? PROFESSOR Ki. SKIPPER Gilligan, can't you understand English? Kupaki! GILLIGAN If that's English I went to the wrong school! SKIPPER Professor, what is a Kupaki? PROFESSOR Well they're a native tribe who inhabit the islands in this area. SKIPPER Look at the head on the top of the totem pole...looks exactly like Gilligan! PROFESSOR Yeah! It's a little more ferocious perhaps, but it is an amazing likeness. GILLIGAN And I didn't even pose for it! SKIPPER That's really a good carving! Those Kupakis must be handy with a knife! PROFESSOR Oh they're handy with a knife all right. Why they're the most ferocious tribe of headhunters in the south pacific! GILLIGAN Do you mean that the people that carved that head...they're headhunters? PROFESSOR That's right! GILLIGAN Do you think they're advertising for me? SKIPPER Looks exactly like Gilligan! PROFESSOR Oh that's just a coincidence that's all. Gilligan may be a dead ringer for one of their kings. GILLIGAN Don't say the word dead...not while I'm alive. PROFESSOR Relax Gilligan! Kupaki must have carved that totem pole many years ago. SKIPPER Gilligan you'll really have it made if they ever come back! Cause you look enough like one of those Kupaki to be one yourself! DISSOLVE TO: INT - HUT - NIGHT Gilligan is in the top hammock looking at himself in a small round hand mirror, while the skipper is in the lower hammock. GILLIGAN Hey skipper? How come nobody ever told me before I looked like a Kupaki? SKIPPER Because anybody that knows what a Kupaki looks like, isn't alive to talk about it! GILLIGAN I sure do look like one. SKIPPER The professor said that was just a coincidence! GILLIGAN Yeah, I know what he said! But if two people have a face like mine, it's not a coincidence! SKIPPER That's very true Gilligan. It would be a catastrophe! GILLIGAN I wonder if that old king was my great great grandfather or something. SKIPPER That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! GILLIGAN Yeah but if that old king on the pole, is my ancestor. That means I have headhunter's blood in me... SKIPPER Will you knock it off! GILLIGAN There is such a thing as...herdity! SKIPPER That's heredity! You look like him because of heredity! GILLIGAN You see! Even you think it was my ancestor! SKIPPER Will you go to sleep!! GILLIGAN Ok! But if you wake up in the morning and you don't have your head, don't say I didn't warn you! DISSOLVE TO: EXT - HUT - DAY Everyone is siting around the communal table talking about Gilligan's belief that he's a Kupaki. SKIPPER ...So we've got a real problem! GINGER You mean Gilligan thinks he comes from a long line of headhunters? MARY ANN Oh that's ridiculous! He's the sweetest, most gentle boy I've ever known! SKIPPER Well that may be so Mary Ann, but this morning he got up real early to go out and stare at his ancestor some more! MRS HOWELL Oh pooh! If Gilligan was a headhunter, why would he settle with the head he has!? SKIPPER Mrs. Howell believe me, he's really convinced he's a Kupaki! MRS HOWELL Double pooh nonsense. MR HOWELL Lovey, don't pooh pooh heredity or even give it a double pooh. After all didn't I inherit my financial genius from dear old dad? MRS HOWELL That's true. All the money Thurston has, he inherited from his father. MARY ANN Gilligan's not a headhunter and we all know it! SKIPPER Oh that's fine Mary Ann, but how are we going to convince him of that!? Gilligan is seen walking into clearing. MARY ANN Shhhhh Shhhhh Here he comes. GINGER High Gilligan! Would you like some breakfast? How bout some scrambled eggs? Gilligan does not acknowledge Ginger or anyone at the table. He just walks past completely oblivious of his surroundings. SKIPPER How would you like to go fishing this afternoon little buddy? Gilligan still remains silent and continues to walk along. MRS HOWELL Ah would you like to stay with Mr. Howell? You can count thousand dollar bills! MR HOWELL And keep the ones that are upside down! Gilligan hears nothing and walks off camera. MARY ANN How are we gonna get Gilligan's attention away from that totem pole? FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY Mr. and Mrs. Howell are getting ready to go out for the day. They are seated in the back of a car made from bamboo. Gilligan is seated in the driver's seat acting as a chauffeur. MR HOWELL I assure you Lovey there's nothing like a relaxing drive in the country to make Gilligan forget that he's a descendant of headhunters. (SOTTO) Shhhh, quiet. A...any time your ready my boy. GILLIGAN Any particular place Mr. Howell? MR HOWELL No no just a drive the fresh air you know...anything you say. INSERT: CLOSE UP OF GILLIGAN"S FEET PEDDELING THE CAR Gilligan takes off with Mr. and Mrs. Howell in the back. He drives down a path with Gilligan peddling his heart out. He finally comes to a stop for apparently no reason. He stops just beyond the totem pole. MRS HOWELL Well what's the matter Gilligan? GILLIGAN My legs are tired! MR HOWELL That's all right my boy conserve fuel. After all we can only get thirty miles to a leg! Thirty miles to a leg...I made a witty one! (SOTTO) That'll make the boy forget his troubles. Mrs. Howell fakes a laugh as Mr. Howell continues his adlibbing. MRS HOWELL (SOTTO) Oh darling, we mustn't say anything that will remind him of those dreadful headhunters. MR HOWELL (SOTTO) I pride myself on my tacit. A...Gilligan? I have great plans for you after we're rescued. GILLIGAN Really Mr. Howell!? MR HOWELL Yes...with my financial genius behind you, you'll bound to get ahead! GILLIGAN A Head! MRS HOWELL (SOTTO) Be careful what you say! MR HOWELL (SOTTO) I made a fauxpas. MRS HOWELL Oh Gilligan, Mr. Howell didn't mean what he said. He was just talking off the top of his head. GILLIGAN Head! MR HOWELL Lovey! MRS HOWELL I'm so sorry Gilligan. I apologias from the tip of my toes to the top of my... GILLIGAN Head! MR HOWELL Gilligan, perhaps you'd better drive. Gilligan start to drive once again but this time he ends up peddling in reverse. INSERT: CLOSE UP OF GILLIGAN"S FEET PEDDLING THE CAR, BUT THIS TIME IN REVERSE. Gilligan, now in reverse, back into the totem pole. CUT TO: ANGLE ABOVE CAR, TOTEM POLE IN BACKGROUND Mr. and Mrs. Howell and Gilligan are seen with their heads sticking out of the top of the car. The carved head which looks like Gilligan's can be seen directly behind Mr. Howell. MRS HOWELL Oh dear! I do hope we're insured! MR HOWELL Gilligan you'll have to be more careful look what you've done! Lovey are you all... Mr. Howell looks around and notices the totem poles head. He starts to do a double take as he looks back and forth between the real Gilligan and the carved head. MR HOWELL Wha...Gilligan! He's over...a perfect set...they match! FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY Gilligan is seen sitting and staring at the totem pole. Ginger approaches him with the idea of taking his mind off the carved head. GINGER Hi Gilligan. Would you like to take a nice long walk with me in the jungle? GILLIGAN No thanks. GINGER How about a cool refreshing swim? I'll wear by poke-a-dot bikini. GILLIGAN I wonder if they shrink a lot? GINGER If it did, there'd be only one dot left. Gilligan is obviously not paying attention. GILLILGAN What? GINGER You asked me if my bathing suit shrinks a lot. GILLIGAN No no, I was wondering if those headhunters shrink a lot of heads. GINGER Oh Gilligan! Look at me. You know, they say the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Do you know what I'm talking about? GILLIGAN No. I never was very good at math. Again, Gilligan doesn't seem to catch on that Ginger is trying to get his attention. GINGER Gilligan. Ginger is obviously getting frustrated with Gilligan's inattention and is in a huff. GINGER Will you stop looking at that silly totem pole and look at me for a minute! GILLIGAN Ok. Gilligan now takes a long hard look at Ginger from bottom to top. Ginger, now having Gilligan's attentions tries to look sexy and she believes she's succeeded. GINGER Now...what does that totem pole got that I haven't got? Gilligan does a quick compare of Ginger and the totem pole. He determines that what the totem pole has that Ginger does not is... GILLIGAN Three heads. Ginger, realizing she can't get through to Gilligan gives up. GINGER You win! FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY The skipper and Ginger are seated at the communal table discussing Gilligan's obsession with the totem pole. The skipper is painting stripes on what appears to be a boomerang. GINGER I tried, I really tried! But all he thinks about are those heads! SKIPPER You just left him standing there. GINGER Well two's company, three's a crowd! SKIPPER Well I made this boomerang for him. I hope I can get him interested in this. GINGER I hope that boomerang has more boom in it than I had! FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY Gilligan is still seen standing near the totem pole just looking at it in a daze. The skipper approaches with the boomerang he made. SKIPPER Gilligan! There ya are little buddy I've been looking all over for ya. GILLIGAN Huh? Gilligan does not see the skipper and continues to stare at the totem pole. SKIPPER Look what I made for ya, a boomerang! GILLIGAN Uh huh. SKIPPER We...well come on, ya know how you had all that trouble losing things all the time? GILLIGAN Uh huh. SKIPPER Well...this you can't lose! You throw it away and it comes right back to ya! It's a boomerang! Get it! You throw it away and it comes back! GILLIGAN Skipper, I don't want a boomerang. SKIPPER Well Gilligan now,'s a lot of fun really it is. And of course it takes a lot of practice to learn how to throw one. GILLIGAN Yeah but skipper I...I...I don't need a boomerang. SKIPPER Well Gilligan, this isn't a toy ya know. The natives use 'em to hunt with. Gilligan now seems to perk up and take notice after hearing about natives and hunting. GILLIGAN Do headhunters ever use them!? SKIPPER Well I suppose they could use 'em, but...oh Gilligan we're not talking that seriously and besides it's just a t... Gilligan, now hearing that headhunters could use a boomerang gets excited and takes the boomerang from the skipper. GILLIGAN Ah...skipper I never threw a boomerang before can I try can I try?! SKIPPER Yeah, try! But be sure and watch where it goes now cause we gotta see where it lands, we can't lose it ya know! Gilligan takes the boomerang and gives it a health toss. The boomerang makes a whirring noise and it fly's around the clearing. The boomerang makes it's way back the where it was thrown and heads for the skipper. The skipper, being between the totem pole and the boomerang gets caught as the boomerang lodges itself in the totem pole and around the skipper's neck. The skipper appears to be truly frightened. SKIPPER Gilligan, you almost cut my head off! GILLIGAN I am a headhunter! I knew it! I am a headhunter! FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY MARY ANN Skipper! Skipper! Professor! Oh! Skipper! SKIPPER Mary Ann what is it! MARY ANN Oh something terrible is gonna to happen! SKIPPER Something terrible is gonna to happen? MARY ANN Oh Gilligan just ran past me and he had a wild look in his eye! PROFESSOR A wild look in his eye!? MARY ANN And an axe in his hand! SKIPPER An AXE!! MARY ANN Uh-huh. PROFESSOR We'd better go find him! MARY ANN Oh I think he went that way! Mary Ann points in one direction. She then seems confused and points in another direction. MARY ANN Maybe he went that way! SKIPPER Oh...oh never mind, come on professor! The skipper and professor take off into the jungle to look for Gilligan. MARY ANN Oh he was so upset I don't know which way he went! FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY The skipper and professor are walking quickly through the jungle, desperately looking for Gilligan. SKIPPER We've got to find him professor, no telling what he'll do with that axe! PROFESSOR I just can't believe that Gilligan is capable of violence. Suddenly the skipper hears a sound that sounds like pounding or chopping. SKIPPER What was that? PROFESSOR I don't know but it sounds like it's coming from over there. SKIPPER Come on lets go! The skipper and the professor run off camera towards the sound as we... CUT TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY Gilligan is seen standing on a make shift ladder chopping away at the carved head on the totem pole. The skipper and professor find Gilligan and witness him chopping off the head. Gilligan continues to chop until it eventually cuts loose and falls to the ground. SKIPPER Not capable of violence huh! The skipper and professor walk over to Gilligan and notice the head on the ground. PROFESSOR Gilligan what are you doing!? GILLIGAN I'm going to get rid of this totem pole! SKIPPER But look what you've done! GILLIGAN What'd I do!? SKIPPER've cut the head off! Gilligan realizes what he's done and drops the axe as we... FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY Gilligan is seen packing his duffel bag with personal items as the skipper and the professor are looking on through the hut's window. CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY The skipper and professor are still watching Gilligan pack his duffel bag. SKIPPER (SOTTO) He's going to the other side of the island. He says he can't trust himself. PROFESSOR Ah...he's convinced he all in instincts of a headhunter. SKIPPER Well I'm convinced too! I'll never forget the look on his face when cut down old grand pappy. PROFESSOR Oh Gilligan has no native instincts either for headhunting or survival, and I'm not going to let him live alone on the other side of the island. SKIPPER Well how are you gonna stop him? PROFESSOR By literally putting my head on the chopping block. SKIPPER What do you mean? PROFESSOR Watch! The professor leaves the skipper and enters the hut carrying a hand axe. CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY PROFESSOR Gilligan? I've brought you a little going away present. It's a hand axe. Thought it might come in handy while you're out looking for trophies. GILLIGAN Thanks professor. I'm glad somebody believes I'm really a Kupaki headhunter. PROFESSOR Why don't you start your collection with my head? GILLIGAN Huh? PROFESSOR I mean, I'd consider it an honor to be your first victim. GILLIGAN Huh? The professor bends over and lays his head down on the table as if to say chop off my head. Gilligan doesn't know quite what to make of the professor's proposal and glances at the axe in his hand. The skipper, afraid of the outcome, covers his eyes with his hands. PROFESSOR Come on Gilligan chop off my head. I mean a real Kupaki wouldn't turn down the offer of a head. Gilligan is obviously in turmoil between his belief of being a Kupaki and whacking off the professor's head. Gilligan then raises the axe in a chopping motion and throws it out the hut's window, barely missing the skipper's head. The skipper, realizing Gilligan isn't a headhunter races into the hut. SKIPPER You couldn't do it little buddy! You couldn't do it! GILLIGAN No I guess I'm not a headhunter. The professor now still in one piece, looks relieved as well. PROFESSOR And you're not a Kupaki? GILLIGAN No, I'm a chicken, right down to the bone! SKIPPER Now you know you're not related to that old king on the totem pole! GILLIGAN Skipper? You couldn't make me believe I was a Kupaki if I had to die to prove it! CUT TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY The chopped off head of the totem pole is seen falling to the ground. Several natives are standing by. NATIVE LEADER Who ever do this... Die!! CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF HEAD LYING ON THE GROUND AS WE... FADE OUT: ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY The natives are as we left them. One of them picks up the chopped off head of Mashuka, their king. NATIVE ONE Mashuka, great king! Greatest headhunter of all! NATIVE TWO Also very angry looking! NATIVE LEADER Put that back on pole. The native that picks up the head places the head back on the top of the totem pole. NATIVE LEADER We find who do this! CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY Gilligan is sweeping the floor of the hut and making large clouds of dust. He's whistling as he sweeps. Mary Ann enters the hut. MARY ANN Hi Gilligan! GILLIGAN Oh hi Mary Ann! Mary Ann starts coughing due to the dust cloud. MARY ANN Oh the dust! I heard you whistling you must be happy. GILLIGAN Yeah I am! I finally realized how silly I was thinking I was a headhunter. And that's why I'm happy! MARY ANN I'm happy, you're happy! GILLIGAN I'm happy you're happy I'm happy. In fact I was thinking how great that woodenhead, would look on the wall over there. MARY ANN Oh you don't want that creepy thing in your room! GILLIGAN Yeah! When nobodies here, I could talk to myself! FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY The skipper and professor are walking through the jungle discussing the carved head. SKIPPER Professor do we really have to put that head back on the pole? PROFESSOR Oh yes, because of Gilligan. I'm mean for the moment he's forgotten all about that headhunting business. But would be better if he never saw any little reminders. SKIPPER Yeah I guess so. The skipper does a double take as he sees the three natives walking up the path. SKIPPER Don't look now, but there are three big reminders headed this way! Quick come on, hide! The skipper and the professor duck down and take cover behind some bushes and the three natives walk past. SKIPPER (QUIETLY) Are they who I think they are? PROFESSOR (QUIETLY) Yes! They are real Kupaki headhunters! CUT TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY Gilligan is seen walking into the clearing where the totem pole is. GILLIGAN Hey Kupa King!? Gilligan is looking around on the ground for the chopped off head and can't find it. GILLIGAN Where'd your noggin go? Kupa king!? You and I can be friends. I just want to take you back to my hut. Kupa king!? Kupa king? Where'd it go? Gilligan looks low then high and finally sees the head back on top of the totem pole. GILLIGAN Hey, there it is. How'd you get up there? Never mind. I don't want to know! Gilligan starts to run off camera. CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY The skipper and the professor are still hiding behind the bushes watching the headhunters leave the area. SKIPPER (QUIETLY) They were headed for the lagoon! PROFESSOR (QUIETLY) Yeah, I'd better warn the others! SKIPPER (QUIETLY) Wait a minute professor! There may be more of them! Gilligan is seen running down the same path taken by the headhunters. The skipper sees him and reaches out and grabs him, placing his hand over Gilligan's mouth to keep him quiet. SKIPPER (QUIETLY) Gilligan. GILLIGAN Ahhhh! Skipper! SKIPPER (QUIETLY) Shhhh Gilligan! Don't make a sound! GILLIGAN I don't want to say anything, but there's ghosts on the island! SKIPPER Those arenít ghosts Gilligan! Those are real Kupaki headhunters! GILLIGAN Now THERE'S good news...bye! Gilligan turns around and starts to leave, but the skipper grabs him and turns him around. PROFESSOR Wait a minute! Now we got to warn the others! We'll tell the Howells, and you go find the girls! SKIPPER Exactly! And above all, keep out of sight! GILLIGAN Don't worry skipper. Its times like this I'm invisible! SKIPPER Yeah all right go on! In their attempt to leave, Gilligan and the skipper end up running into each other before they get things sorted out and head off in their own directions. FLIP TO: EXT - MUD BOG - DAY Mary Ann and Ginger are up to their necks in mud taking what appears to be a mud bath. MARY ANN Oooo, I've heard of mudpacks, but this is ridiculous! GINGER Don't knock it honey, in Hollywood they charge twenty-five dollars a half-hour for this. MARY ANN Twenty-five dollars!? What have they got in it, Rock Hudson!? Mary Ann and Ginger are now relaxing in the mud. GINGER Oooo I love it! MARY ANN Ok! Gilligan is seen walking by the mud bog where Mary Ann and Ginger are relaxing. Only their heads are visible sticking above the mud. Gilligan, seeing only their heads reacts in horror. GILLIGAN Oh no! The headhunters got the girls! I can't look! Gilligan covers his eyes with his hands and turns around. MARY ANN and GINGER Hi Gilligan! Gilligan reacts with confusion at hearing the talking heads. GILLIGAN Huh!! MARY ANN What's the matter, you look like a ghost? GINGER What's wrong with you? GILLIGAN What's wrong with me? Have you looked at yourselves lately? GINGER How can we, we're covered with mud! GILLIGAN Mud? GINGER We're standing in a mud bog. GILLIGAN Oh...I thought those headhunters got here efore I could. MARY ANN Gilligan...are you trying to tell us there are real headhunters on this island!? GILLIGAN Yeah! The skipper and the professor saw them! GINGER Quick! Get us out of here! MARY ANN! Gilligan starts to help Mary Ann out of the mud bog as Ginger is also trying to get out as we... FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE NEAR TOTEM POLE - DAY We see the Howells being captured by the three natives and being lead to a location near the totem pole. The natives keep threatening the Howells with their spears. The Howells are resisting but with very little effect. MR HOWELL Wait a minute! Wait a Minute! One moment please! Stop waiving that thing my wife's face! Have you no manners!? MRS HOWELL Oh Thurston, why donít you tell these poor souls that we don't need any Boy Scout equipment! MR HOWELL Lovey I know how to deal with aborigines now one sir, the spokesman, how much to let Mrs. Howell...Mrs. How...hat, and me go free? A...a ten thousands Hmmm? A hundred thousand? Five Hundred thousand? Oh come come every man has price now what is yours!? NATIVE LEADER Kupa! Buga Kupa! MRS HOWELL Sounds terribly expensive! MR HOWELL Oohhh! The natives continue to push the Howells with their spears as the Howells complain in protest. FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY The Howells are seen tied to a post with the totem pole just off to their left. The natives are busy making ready a pot of boiling water. It looks like they're getting ready for dinner. MRS HOWELL Thurston I didn't know we were asked for dinner! MR HOWELL I'm afraid my dear we ARE the dinner! MRS HOWELL Can't you do anything to stop them!? MR HOWELL No, I even offered then seats on the stock exchange! MRS HOWELL And they turned you down!? MR HOWELL Just as well. They'd probably corner everything in the market! Especially the customers! We see the natives sharpening their machetes on a large rock as we... PAN OVER TO: SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR The skipper and the professor are hiding behind some bushes watching what the natives are doing. SKIPPER (QUIETLY) The Kupakis have got Mr. and Mrs. Howell captive. We've got to do something! PROFESSOR'd be too risky to try to overpower them. SKIPPER Well of course if we got Gilligan it will make the sides even. But of course on second make matters worse. PROFESSOR Now wait a minute skipper you're wrong! Gilligan can repulse them, simply by showing his face! SKIPPER Oh come on professor! I mean...Gilligan's no Cary Grant but...he certainly doesn't have a face like a Frankenstein's monster! PROFESSOR No skipper that's not what I meant. Gilligan looks exactly like that Kupaki on the totem pole. SKIPPER Well what about it? PROFESSOR Well if he can convince the headhunters that he's really their dead king brought back the life, he can order them to release the Howells! SKIPPER Hey yeah! He could save us us all! FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY The skipper, the professor, Mary Ann and Ginger are all standing around with Gilligan. Gilligan is now made up to look like the Kupaki king. SKIPPER Gilligan, you're a born Kupaki if I ever saw one! MARY ANN Oh boy, one look at that face and they're gonna to know you're their king! GILLIGAN But I'm not a king and I'm not a headhunter! Professor you convinced me of that! PROFESSOR I know, but you've got to act like one! GILLIGAN A dead one! How's that gonna save the Howells!? PROFESSOR Well you tell the natives to release their prisoners. Now these natives are very superstitious. So as a king, your word is law. GILLIGAN Then how come nobody pays attention to me!? GINGER (TO SKIPPER) I think you better take a look and see if the Howells are all right. SKIPPER All right but hurry it up! Cause before you finish off Gilligan, they're apt to finish off the Howells! The skipper takes a headpiece made from bamboo and places it on Gilligan's head. It looks just like the ne on the chopped off head. SKIPPER There you are. King!! The skipper then heads off camera to go check on the Howells. PROFESSOR Now Gilligan...very briefly, the Kupaki words for free the prisoners are...pulu see bagumba. GILLIGAN Pulu See Bagumba. PROFESSOR That's right. Now hit the words hard and make them sound like you're mad! GILLIGAN Bugilu Gumbamba!! PROFESSOR No no! Pulu See Bagumba. Now try it again. GILLIGAN Pulu Ba sigumba PROFESSOR Oh Gilligan! Concentrate! The Howells are in serious trouble! Now try it again! FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM CLEARING - DAY The Howells are still tied up, but things are getting rather tense. The natives are standing around the Howells with their machetes ready to start hacking away. NATIVE LEADER Dat ta tu moni. Unga bunga kupa! MRS HOWELL Thurston, what did he say? MR HOWELL We...well I don't know, but it sounded like Kupaki for...Cheerio old chap! NATIVE Mashuka! Umba!! The natives are just raising their machetes to strike. The Howells see it coming and start yelling for help. MR HOWELL and MRS HOWELL Help!!! NATIVE Ba Kupa!! Just at this point, the skipper comes running on camera to stop the slaughter. SKIPPER Wait!! MRS HOWELL Skipper! MR HOWELL Skipper! The natives take the skipper prisoner. SKIPPER Now look I'm gonna be real fair about this thing! I'm gonna give you boys a chance to get off the island! There's six hundred marines waiting to attack if I'm not back in five minutes! MRS HOWELL Thurston, isn't that marvelous!? Six hundred Marines! Oh dear and look, we're not properly dressed to greet them! MR HOWELL Lovey this is just a bluff! MRS HOWELL Thurston don't be ridiculous. Marines never bluff! SKIPPER Believe me, if you guys know what's good for ya, ya better get off the island right now! One of the natives puts a machete to the skipper's throat. SKIPPER You've only got about two minutes left and then you'll be finished! CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY Gilligan is still trying to learn his lines while Mary Ann, Ginger and the professor look on. GILLIGAN No Kupa, Pulu See Bagumba. PROFESSOR Perfect! Gilligan that's perfect! GILLIGAN Good...I wonder what I said? GINGER You know I'm getting worried, the skipper hasn't come back yet. MARY ANN Well I think we'd better go! Mr. and Mrs. Howell are probably scared to death by now! GILLIGAN Yeah I want to see myself in a mirror! PROFESSOR Oh Gilligan, we don't have time for that! Gilligan walks off camera and enters his hut to see himself in the mirror. PROFESSOR Well hurry up!! CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY Gilligan enters the hut and walks over the mirror hanging on the wall. He admires himself as we... MARY ANN (O.S.) Gilligan! CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY Mary Ann, Ginger and the professor are getting impatient waiting for Gilligan to admire himself. Natives can be seen creeping up behind the three, making ready to take them prisoners. MARY ANN Gilligan, come on!! The three are then taken prisoner and walked off down a path into the jungle as we... CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY Gilligan is seen walking out of the hut looking for the others. GILLIGAN Professor! Ginger! Mary Ann! I wonder where they went? They left without me! Gilligan takes off to find the others as we... FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY As we left them, the Howells are still tied to a pole as are Mary Ann and Ginger. The skipper and the professor are sitting down with their backs against the totem pole and firmly tied in place. NATIVE Sakupa! Bakuha! CLOSE UP SHOT: SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR The following lines are all spoken in a hushed tone. SKIPPER Where's Gilligan? PROFESSOR I don't know! Gillian crawls out from behind some bushes and can not be seen by the natives. GILLIGAN Hi! What are you doing there? SKIPPER I'm sorry we couldn't wait for you Gilligan, but we got all tied up! GILLIGAN What do I do now? I only rehearsed for the Howells! PROFESSOR Well make your appearance exactly as we planned Gilligan, only tell them to release ALL of us! GILLIGAN Well how do I say that? The skipper has been working at getting loose. SKIPPER Professor, I think these vines are coming loose! PROFESSOR But we can't wait till we get loose! Gilligan they may kill us at any moment! The skipper is making a real effort at getting loose and is shaking the totem pole in the process. It shakes so hard that the head on top of the totem pole falls and lands in Gilligan's hands. PROFESSOR Good heavens! If they notice that head missing they'll come over to investigate! GILLIGAN I'll...I'll...put...I'll put it back up! SKIPPER Well hurry it up Gilligan or there'll be a lot of heads missing! Gilligan takes the head and starts to climb up the totem pole to replace the fallen head. He uses the skipper's shoulders as a step, but has great difficulty in maintaining his balance. He tries to put the head back in place but it falls behind the totem pole and out of sight. The natives notice the commotion and start to look at the totem pole. Gilligan freezes in place and tries to make the native think that his head is the one at the top. The natives notice that something is wrong. NATIVE Mashuka! The natives, believing their dead king is becoming active, kneel on the ground and start to bow repeatedly. NATIVES Simba Mashuka. Simba Mashuka. Gilligan finally loses his balance and falls away from the totem pole and right in front of the prostrated natives. One of the natives notices and alerts the others. NATIVE Bula hula! The natives, now stand face to face the Mashuka, their once dead king. NATIVE Mashuka? GILLIGAN Mashuka? That's me? PROFESSOR (WHIPERS) Gilligan! The professor jerks his head in the direction of the natives, giving Gilligan the go ahead to speak Kupaki. GILLIGAN Me Mashuka! Pulu see... Pulu see... The professor feeds Gilligan the rest of his lines. PROFESSOR Pulu see bagumba. Gilligan then bursts out... GILLIGAN Pulu see bagumba!! Hey that was pretty good! NATIVE LEADER If you dead king...Why you not speak real Kupaki? GILLIGAN I've been dead so long...I forgot? The natives don't look too convinced and start to approach Gilligan with machetes raised. GILLIGAN Would you bel... Gilligan, thinking he's going to be killed, tries to run away and ends up tripping in the process. He lands behind the totem pole and hits the chopped off head lying behind it. The head goes shooting out from behind the totem pole where it lands in full view of the natives. NATIVE Mashuka!! We killed burda Mashuka!! The natives, thinking they killed the once dead king, take off completely terrified and run down a path and off camera. SKIPPER You did it little buddy! You did it! You did it!! GILLIGAN Like they say skipper...two heads are better than one! SKIPPER Yeah! Gilligan is satisfied with himself as we... FADE OUT: EPILOG FADE IN: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY Gilligan is leading the skipper, Professor and Mr. Howell along the path leading to the totem pole. The totem pole has been covered with a tarp. SKIPPER You didn't bring us out here to show us THAT did ya!? PROFESSOR Oh Gilligan not again! MR HOWELL When are you gonna stop worrying about looking like some chap on a totem pole? GILLIGAN Right now Mr. Howell! Gilligan quickly removes the tarp to reveal that the carved head on top, now looks exactly like Mr. Howells. GILLIGAN Next time the Kupaki show can be their chief! MR HOWELL Amazing likeness! Early Rodin! Oh to be immortalized in your own time. We close with a final shot of the likeness of Mr. Howell perched on top of the totem pole as we... FADE OUT: END CREDITS