Gilligan's Island Script
Episode #95, "It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Gilligan"
(A United States jetpack washes ashore in the lagoon)


      GILLIGANíS ISLAND


                "It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Gilligan"

                               by

                         Sam Locke

                           and

                         Joel Rapp


                        January 24, 1967



TEASER

FADE IN:

 INT - AIR FORCE BUILDING - DAY

INSERT - MOVIE SCREEN SHOWING A MAN WEARING A JETPACK AND 
TAKING OFF.  HE IS FLYING AND DROPPING SIMULATED EXPLOSIVES. 
THERE ARE TWO AIR FORCE OFFICERS WATCHING THE MOVIE.

                                COLONEL
                        Now watch this next maneuver General.

INSERT - PILOT DEMONSTRATES VARIES MANEUVERS WEARING THE 
JETPACK SUCH AS FLYING OVER BUILDINGS AND SHIPS AND FLYING 
ACROSSED OPEN WATER. THE MOVIE ENDS.

                                COLONEL
                        Well Sir?

                        GENERAL
                        Ah, seems like quite a devise Colonel.
                        You're ah convinced that I should authorize 
                        this for official Air Force use?

                                COLONEL
                        General, our tests in the Pacific indicate 
                        that the XJP will render all other manually 
                        controlled jetpacks obsolete.

                        It's compact and lightweight.  Practically 
                        anybody can operate it and it has a range of 
                        over five hundred miles.

                        Frankly sir I think it's a perfect machine.

        There's a knock on the door.

                                COLONEL
                        Come in!

        A lieutenant enters the room and salutes. He is 
        carrying a letter for the Colonel.

                                LIEUTENANT
                        Begging the Colonels pardon sir.

                                COLONEL
                        Yes Lieutenant?

                                LIEUTENANT
                        Just received this message from the test ship 
                        in the pacific sir.

        He hands the message to the Colonel who then reads it 
        silently.

                                GENERAL
                        Bad news Colonel?

                                COLONEL
                        It seems out perfect machine has become a 
                        victim of human error sir.

        The General takes the message and reads out loud.

                                GENERAL
                        JETPACK XJP LOST AT SEA.
                        PLEASE ADVISE.

                        Yah that is bad news.

                                COLONEL
                        Yes sir.

                        We certainly wouldn't want the XJP to fall 
                        into the wrong hands.  

                        Lieutenant, authorize the fleet to begin a 
                        search for the pack at once!

                                LIEUTENANT
                        Yes sir.

        The lieutenant salutes and walks out.

                                COLONEL
                        I wouldn't be too concerned General.  The 
                        pack should stay afloat for several days 
                        and...Well I believe our ships will find it.

                                GENERAL
                        Good.

                        You know what I can't believe is that man has 
                        reached the age where he can fly like a bird.

                        You know...I haven't seen one of these since I 
                        was a boy reading the adventures of Buck 
                        Rogers!

FLIP TO: EXT - LAGOON - DAY

        Gilligan and skipper are seen examining the jetpack 
        that washed ashore.

                                SKIPPER
                        Buck who?!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Buck Rogers.  He was the guy who use to fly 
                        around in one of these things.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh Gilligan why don't you stop...

        The professor walks up behind Gilligan and the skipper.  
        He doesn't see the jetpack at first.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Hi any luck?  
                        What's that!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        I think its Buck Rogers rocket.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Let me see that!

                                GILLIGAN
                        If it's Buck Rogers's rocket his mother would 
                        have sewn his name on it somewhere.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan!  There is no such person as Buck 
                        Rogers!  He was a comic book character!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Did you ever meet Buck Rogers?

                                SKIPPER
                        Of course not!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Then how do you know he wasn't a real 
                        person!?

                                SKIPPER
                        I'm gonna explain it once more and then I'm...

                                PROFESSOR
                        Gilligan you're right!

                                GILLIGAN
                        I am?

                                SKIPPER
                        You mean...this does belong to Buck Rogers?

                                PROFESSOR
                        No! But this is a jet powered flight pack and 
                        it's practically full of fuel!

                                SKIPPER
                        Well maybe we can find some way to use it to 
                        get off the Island!

                                PROFESSOR
                        I'll begin experiments right away!

                        You know...it's just possible that there's 
                        enough fuel in this jetpack to get it all the 
                        way back to Hawaii!

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh boy!  Let's start experimenting!
                        Come on Gilligan!

        Gilligan, the skipper and the professor take the 
        jetpack and run off down a path next to the lagoon.

                                                                FADE OUT:

                        

                                        

                                ACT ONE

FADE IN: EXT - HUT - DAY 
        STOCK SHOT OF HUT EXTERIOR WITH CREDITS OVERLAYED
 
CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY

        The professor is seen in his hut with tables loaded 
        with test tubes and various other equipment made from 
        gourds, bamboo and vines.

        The professor is just about to mix two samples in test 
        tubes when the Skipper and Gilligan come running into 
        the hut.        

                                GILLIGAN
                        Hey professor! Professor!

        The professor, being startled, spills the two test 
        tubes.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh good heavens, look what you made me do!

                                SKIPPER
                        Sorry professor, but we're dying to find out 
                        if this jetpack is going to be able to fly to 
                        Hawaii!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well there's a chance skipper, but...

                                SKIPPER
                        Did you hear that Gilligan!?  One of us might 
                        be able to fly to Hawaii!  Isn't that great 
                        news!?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Yeah it's a long trip there.  I hope the 
                        jetpack has a good movie!

                                SKIPPER
                        Yes, so do I because...

        The skipper gives Gilligan a dirty look.

                                PROFESSOR
                        When you gentlemen leave I can complete this 
                        fuel analysis.

                                SKIPPER
                        All right professor we're going right now, 
                        come on Gilligan.

        As the skipper and Gilligan start leaving the hut, 
        Gilligan turns around and starts to ask another 
        question.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Professor I have just one more question...

        The skipper, seeing what Gilligan is doing, grabs him 
        and hauls him out of the hut.

        The skipper and Gilligan leave the hut as the professor 
        returns to his table and begins his experiments again.
        As before, as he begins to mix the two test tubes 
        together, Mary Ann and Ginger come running into the 
        hut.

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh professor!

                                GINGER
                        Professor!

        Once again, being startled, the professor spills the 
        test tubes.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Why did you girls have to burst in to the 
                        middle of an experiment?!

                                GINGER
                        Ah we're sorry professor but we heard that 
                        Gilligan found some kind of a jetpack to get 
                        us off the island!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well it's possible Ginger, but I won't know 
                        until I complete these tests.

                                GINGER
                        OH you just don't know how disparately I want 
                        to breathe the heady wines of civilization 
                        again.  OH to meet a tall handsome man and 
                        have a candle lit dinner for two and then 
                        after dinner to dance...OH just to float...just 
                        float through the air until dawns gentle 
                        fingers pull back the soft blanket of night.

                        That's a scene from a tender romantic movie I 
                        was in.  It was called "The bird people meet 
                        the chicken pluckers".


                                PROFESSOR
                        All right will you girls LEAVE now so I can 
                        continue my work!

                                GINGER & MARY ANN
                        But professor!

                                PROFESSOR
                        All right OUT!  SHOO!  I'll let you know the 
                        results the moment I'm finished! Now GO!

        The professor escorts the girls to the door and sees 
        them out.  He checks outside once again to see if there 
        is anyone else lurking outside. Again, the professor 
        returns to his work, confident there will be no further 
        interruptions.  As he begins to pour the two test tubes 
        together just as Mr. and Mrs. Howell run into the hut.  
        Mr. Howell grabs the professor's arm to get his 
        attention.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Professor!

        Once again the professor spills the contents of the 
        test tubes.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh I'm terribly sorry!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh dear professor did we cause you to spill 
                        that?!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh not at all Mrs. Howell. I've had so much 
                        practice recently I could have spilled it 
                        without you help.

                                MR HOWELL
                        How soon will you know if the flight is 
                        feasible?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well if you'll both be quiet, I will know in 
                        a minute.

        The professor pours the two test tubes together and one 
        of them foams up and over the top with a blue foam.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Well professor?  Can one of us fly off for 
                        help now?


                                PROFESSOR
                        I'm afraid not Mrs. Howell.  Although my 
                        experiments indicate the jetpack has 
                        sufficient flight range to reach Hawaii, I'm 
                        afraid such a flight would be terribly 
                        terribly risky.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Nothing is too risky to save a Howell.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Two Howells dear.

                                MR HOWELL
                        That's right, make that two Howells.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Besides risk, we're facing a time problem.  
                        You see the fuel in this jetpack has given me 
                        a propellant potency retention problem.

                                MR HOWELL
                        How dare you talk that way in front of my 
                        wife!

                                PROFESSOR
                        A what I meant was, that this particular type 
                        of fuel loses its potency when it gets old.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Nonsense professor!  Haven't you 
                        heard...there's no fuel like an old fuel!
                        HA that was a witty one!

FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

        Mr. and Mrs. Howell are seen crouched down behind some 
        jungle plants watching the professor leave the hut 
        where he's been doing the experiments.

                                MR HOWELL
                                (SOTTO)
                        Let's sneak in and get the jetpack.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh it seems such a mean trick to play on Gilligan.

                                MR HOWELL
                                (SOTTO)
                        Well I know how you feel dear, but...but you 
                        heard the professor.  If one of us doesn't 
                        attempt this trip soon, our chance at being 
                        rescued will be ruined.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        True.

                                MR HOWELL
                                (SOTTO)
                        Gilligan is the only one on the island that 
                        can make this trip.  He's young, he's wiry 
                        and he's agile.

                        Besides who else could we possibly trick into 
                        doing it!?

FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE CLEARING - DAY

        Mr. Howell is seen wearing the jetpack as Mrs. Howell 
        is seen with Gilligan as she attempts to stop Mr. 
        Howell from taking the flight.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        You see Gilligan he's determined to go 
                        through with this!

                                MR HOWELL
                        Lovey! How dare you bring Gilligan here!  
                        He's sure to try and stop me from...from making 
                        this flight.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Now wait a minute Mr. Howell.

                                MR HOWELL
                        I don't know how to forgive you Lovey for 
                        what you've done!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Don't be angry Mr. Howell.  She doesn't want 
                        you to make the flight either.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Well if I won't make the flight who will?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Well...

                                MR HOWELL
                        Ah HA!  I should have known that you would 
                        want to grab the glory!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Oh...

                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh you can't fool me Gilligan!  You know who 
                        ever makes this flight will be a national 
                        hero!  And you're aching to go instead of me!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Is that what you think!?

                                MR HOWELL
                        I don't THINK sir, I KNOW!

                                GILLIGAN
                        I know you don't know either!

                                MR HOWELL
                        Now wait a minute, wait a minute don't try 
                        and stop me!  Cause it won't do any good.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Ok I won't try and stop you.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Well I know your persistence is hard to 
                        breakdown my boy, but before you convince me 
                        that you should go instead of me.  Give me 
                        one good reason, one sir, why I shouldn't 
                        make this flight!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Thurston, if anything happened to you, who 
                        would take care of me and all our beloved 
                        little Howells?

                                GILLIGAN
                        What beloved little Howells?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Well the Howell steel company and the Howel 
                        chemical company and the Howell...

                                MR HOWELL
                        That's just it Lovey!  I'm tired of being a 
                        man who's known for the companies he keeps!

                        I want to be known as a man who would risk 
                        his life for his dear and beloved friends!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh Thurston!

                                MR HOWELL
                        Please try to understand Gilligan.  Despite 
                        my advanced age, and my physical inability, 
                        and the fact that you're more qualified, I am 
                        going to make this flight!  So please leave 
                        me to do...what I must do!

                                GILLIGAN
                        That's very brave and noble Mr. Howell.  But 
                        I think I ought to be the one that takes the 
                        flight.

                                MRS HOWELL
                        There you just go!  You heard what Mr. Howell 
                        said.    Go ahead!  I want to be alone to say 
                        goodbye to my husband.

        Gilligan walks off as Mrs. Howell is saying her last 
        goodbye.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Lovey how could you!?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh darling how could I what, you brave 
                        courageous thing?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Well how could you make Gilligan go away?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        But you SAID you wanted him to leave!

                                MR HOWELL
                        No it was just an act, to trick him into 
                        making the flight!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh darling I forgot what a marvelous actor 
                        you were!  Oh and all this is just a little 
                        play.  

                        Are you furious with me?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Of course not...it's showbiz!




DISSOLVE TO: EXT - JUNGEL CLEARING - DAY

        Mary Ann and Ginger are in the clearing with Ginger 
        wearing the jetpack. 

                                GINGER
                        Hurry up Mary Ann, I think I hear Gilligan!
                        Hurry up!

                                MARY ANN
                        Ok...
                        
                        Oh Gilligan!  Gilligan! Oh come quick!

                                GILLIGAN
                        What is it Mary Ann?

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh Gilligan, Ginger is going to fly to 
                Hawaii, you've got to stop her!

                                GILLIGAN
                        You better find somebody else. I already 
                        tried to stop Mr. Howell and couldn't do it.

                                GINGER
                        Nobody is going to stop me Mary Ann.

                        If I have to sacrifice myself for my friends 
                        I intend to do so.

                                GILLIGAN
                        You don't want to sacrifice yourself!

                                GINGER
                        Of course I do!

                        Is there a brave decent person on this island 
                        that wouldn't want to?

                                GILLIGAN
                        No, but there's a rotten cowardly person that 
                        doesn't want to.

                                MARY ANN
                        Gilligan!

                                GILLIGAN
                        You guessed it!

                                GINGER
                        Mary Ann...um...would you give me a few minutes 
                        alone with Gilligan?

        Marry Ann gets the high sign from Ginger and pretends 
        to leave.

                                GINGER
                        Gilligan?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Hmmm?

                                GINGER
                        There's something that I want to do before I 
                        fly away.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Buy insurance?

                                GINGER
                        No.  I want to give you a goodbye kiss.

                                GILLIGAN
                        You don't have to!  I'm not going anyplace!

        Ginger starts to kiss Gilligan as Mary Ann removes the 
        jetpack from Ginger and places it on Gilligan. Ginger 
        continues to kiss Gilligan as Mary Ann straps the 
        jetpack into place.

CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

        The skipper and the professor are seen walking through 
        the jungle near where Ginger and Gilligan are.

                                SKIPPER
                        ...I see, well, now let me get this plan 
                        straight professor.  We build a dummy, we 
                        strap the jetpack to it, pin a note to it and 
                        then send it off to Hawaii from a launching 
                        pad.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Exactly!  Here's the drawing I made.

        The professor hands skipper the paper with the drawing.
        The skipper examines the plans intently.

                                SKIPPER
                        Wow what a brilliant idea!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well frankly skipper, I think it's my most 
                        brilliant idea.  There's only one thing I'm 
                        not certain of.


                                SKIPPER
                        Oh what's that?

                                PROFESSOR
                        If it'll work!

        The skipper and professor look up and notices Ginger kissing 
        Gilligan.  

CUT TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        Gilligan is wearing the jetpack as Mary Ann looks on.

CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

        The skipper and professor look on as they see Ginger 
        and Gilligan still locked in a kiss.

                                SKIPPER
                        Wow, I wonder what's going on over there!?

        The skipper and the professor take off towards the 
        clearing to see what's going on.

CUT TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

                                PROFESSOR
                        Good heavens...what's going on here?!

                                GINGER
                        Ah professor...wa...well...

                                MARY ANN
                        Well I guess we'd better confess Ginger.

                        We were desperate, we wanted somebody to try 
                        to fly to Hawaii.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well you can stop being desperate Mary Ann.  
                        Someone IS going to fly to Hawaii!

                                GINGER
                        They are?!  Who?!

                                SKIPPER
                        The dummy!

        At hearing the word dummy, Gilligan comes too from his 
        encounter with Ginger.


                                GILLIGAN
                        Huh?  What'd you say?

                                SKIPPER
                        I said the dummy is going to fly to Hawaii!

        Gilligan thinks the skipper means him and over reacts 
        immediately.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Oh no I'm not!  I'm not flying anyplace! 
                        How'd I get in this thing?!  Let me out of 
                        here! I'm getting out of here!

        Gilligan gets the jetpack off and hands it away.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Here take this jetpack!

        Gilligan runs off screen.

DISSOLVE TO: INT - HUT - DAY

        Ginger and Mary Ann are busy at work on the dummy.

                                MARY ANN
                        There! How do you think he looks?

                                GINGER
                        Well...he's not exactly Rock Hudson, but I 
                        guess he'll have to do.  Now we have to make 
                        sure he's six feet five inches tall.

                                MARY ANN
                        How we gonna find that out without a tape 
                        measurer?

                                GINGER
                        Easy!

        Ginger walks up to the dummy and puts her arms around 
        it's neck and waist as though she's going to kiss it.

                                MARY ANN
                        Ginger, what are you doing?

                                GINGER
                        Well I use to go steady with this basketball 
                        player, he was exactly six feet five...and I 
                        know just how much I had to reach up to kiss 
                        him.

        Mrs. Howell enters the hut and does not immediately notice 
        Ginger with her arms around the dummies neck and waist.


                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh Ginger have you got a...?

                                GINGER
                        What is it Mrs. Howell?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Well I don't mean to meddle dear, but since 
                        that dummy is about to fly away, do you think 
                        it wise to become emotionally involved?

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - JUNGLE CLEARING - DAY

        Gilligan, the skipper and the professor are standing 
        around an angled launch pad with the dummy lying 
        against it.

                                SKIPPER
                        There's just one thing I don't understand 
                        professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Yes?

                                SKIPPER
                        Well...how's the dummy going to operate the 
                        jetpack when he flies to Hawaii?

                                PROFESSOR
                        You see, by building him to exact height and 
                        weight specifications...and by placing him 
                        precisely at the proper angle on the pad, I 
                        feel the essential thrust of the rocket will 
                        be enough to send him on a direct and 
                        unswerving azimuth to Hawaii.

                                SKIPPER
                        Ah...did you hear that Gilligan?

                                GILLIGAN
                        My right ear heard it, my left ear is waiting 
                        for the translation.

                                PROFESSOR
                        I merely said the dummies all set to go!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Oh you know skipper, I'm kind of worried 
                        about the dummy making the flight.
        
                                SKIPPER
                        Oh you don't have to worry about that, the 
                        professor's got it all worked out.  Dummy 
                        will definitely fly to Hawaii.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Do you think he's dressed right?  You know 
                        it's the rainy season in Honolulu.

                                SKIPPER
                        Yes I know but I don't think he should...
        
                        Oh will you stop with that conversation!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Now...all I have to do is write this note, put 
                        it on the dummy and we'll be all set to blast 
                        off.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Have a good trip dummy!  Don't forget to 
                        write!

        Gilligan gives the dummy a good luck slap on the back 
        and the dummy falls over face down.  The professor and 
        the skipper are not too pleased.

                                GILLIGAN
                        I'll pick it up.

        Gilligan straddles the dummy in order to pick it up and 
        inadvertently hits the activation button on the end of 
        the control grip. The jetpack activates and Gilligan 
        and the dummy start to jet across the ground through 
        the jungle.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Gilligan stop him!  I haven't finished the 
                        note!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Skipper!  Skipper!

        The skipper and the professor take off after Gilligan 
        who is now screaming along a jungle path on the back of 
        the dummy.

CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

INSERT: VIEW POINT JUST BEHIND GILLIGAN OF TRIP THROUGH 
JUNGLE AND OUT INTO THE LAGOON.

CUT TO: EXT - LAGOON - DAY

        Gilligan rides the dummy into the lagoon and falls off.  
        The skipper and the professor come to Gilligans aid.  
        illigan crawls out of the lagoon and onto the shore.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Ah, ah...where's the dummy!?

                        Oh here it comes.

        The dummy and jetpack slowly arrive back on shore and 
        is pick up by the professor, which he then examines.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh I was afraid of that!

                        The trip through the jungle and the water 
                        carrying the extra weight used up practically 
                        all the fuel!

                                SKIPPER
                        WHAT!  You mean we won't be able to fly it to 
                        Hawaii?!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Afraid not.

                                SKIPPER
                        Will the real dummy PLEASE stand UP!

        The skipper gets frustrated and hits Gilligan with his hat.

                                                                FADE OUT

                                                
                                ACT TWO
FADE IN: INT - HUT - DAY

        Gilligan, the skipper and the professor are in the 
        professor's hut with the jetpack.  The professor has 
        been examining the jetpack after Gilligan's little 
        trip.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well...my original conclusion was correct.
                        After Gilligan's little cruise around the 
                        lagoon, there isn't nearly enough fuel left 
                        for a flight to Hawaii.

                                SKIPPER
                                (to Gilligan)
                        You know what you are!?  You're bumbling, 
                        stupid, incompetent and useless...and those are 
                        your good points!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Your right skipper.

        Gilligan takes the skipper's hat and hits himself with 
        it.

                                GILLIGAN
                        I deserve it.

        Mr. and Mrs. Howell come running into the hut.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Professor! Professor!  We...we heard the most 
                        marvelous news on...on the radio...the news cast!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        All Mr. Howell's stocks have gone up!

                                MR HOWELL
                        A no...that's not the good news.  We heard 
                        there'll be a fleet of ships in the area 
                        tomorrow to make a final search for the 
                        jetpack!  That's the good news.

                                SKIPPER
                        What do you make of that professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well it's a long shot skipper, but I've got 
                        an idea that might reduce the odds.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Can I help professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Please Gilligan...

                                GILLIGAN
                        I want to do something to make up for what I 
                        did.  Please professor?

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan, why don't you go take a flying 
                        leap!

                                PROFESSOR
                        That's it exactly skipper!  That's the basis 
                        for my whole idea!  A flying leap!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Huh?

                                PROFESSOR
                        All right listen.  There's enough fuel left 
                        in the jetpack for about a fifteen minute 
                        flight.  Now suppose one of us were to put on 
                        the pack and go straight up while the ships 
                        were in the area.  That would improve our 
                        chances of being spotted immeasurably!

                                SKIPPER
                        Certainly would!  Well that makes great 
                        sense!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh professor!  It's wonderful having someone 
                        like you with us!  Your absolutely marvelous!

                                MR HOWELL
                        If you were a Republican, you'd be perfect.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

        Mr. Howell, Gilligan and the skipper are pacing around 
        outside the hut where the professor is working waiting 
        for the results of his tests.

                                GILLIGAN
                        The professor sure is taking a long time to 
                        decide whether his plans gonna work or not.



                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh it will work Gilligan.  The professor's 
                        trying to decide who will get the assignment 
                        of strapping on the jetpack and soaring up in 
                        the air.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh I guess that's it.

                                MR HOWELL
                        A well...I suggest to save time, we volunteer.

                        Anyone volunteer to go up one hundred feet?

                        Ninety feet?

                        Anyone willing to put on my elevator shoes?

        The professor walks out of the hut.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well it'll work.  One of us can go up in the 
                        morning and the flight should be 
                        comparatively safe.

                                MR HOWELL
                        I knew it!  NOW who will volunteer?

                                PREOFESSOR
                        Mr. Howell we can't pick our flyer on a 
                        volunteer basis!

                                MR HOWELL
                        Well why not?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Because no one wants to volunteer!

                                MR HOWELL
                        Well that's not true I am not afraid,  I 
                        would love to go!

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh come on Mr. Howell!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh I'm sure Mr. Howell is quite sincere.  But 
                        since the rise in altitude causes a lose of 
                        oxygen to the brain, we're going to have to 
                        take a test to determine which of us is least 
                        likely to become light headed or dizzy.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Take me...take me professor!  I'd love to soar 
                        into the wild blue yonder I would...

        Mr. Howell suddenly gets frightened as he realizes he 
        has a fear of heights and is up on is toes as he was 
        speaking.

                                MR HOWELL
                        I get so dizzy on my tippy toes!

        Mr. Howell grabs the professor for support.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh hold me professor!

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        Mary Ann is peddling a bicycle like device used to 
        rotate a large cylinder made from scraps of wood and 
        bamboo.  Ginger is standing by the cylinder as it goes 
        around and is keeping time.

                                GINGER
                        Time Mary Ann!

        Mary Ann stops peddling and gets off the bike.  The 
        cylinder slows to a stop and Ginger opens the door.  
        The skipper, Mr. Howell and the professor step out in 
        slow motion.  They spin and fall in slow motion as it's 
        apparent they are all extremely dizzy and disoriented.

                                SKIPPER
                        Wow I can hardly walk!

                                MR HOWELL
                        I haven't felt like this since I was elected 
                        president of the wine tasting society.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Where's Gilligan?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Yeah.


        Just then, Gilligan pops his head out of the door of 
        the cylinder.  It's apparent the rotation has had no 
        effect on him.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Hi everybody!  Is the ride over already?
                        That's too bad, I was just having fun!

                                MARY ANN
                        Why Gilligan isn't dizzy or light headed!

                                SKIPPER
                        That's because he's dizzy and light headed 
                        all the time.  He's just use to it.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Gilligan my boy, you've been selected as our 
                        astronaut fairly and squarely.

                                GILLIGAN
                        I have!?  
                        Could we take the test over again, this time 
                        I'll cheat a little!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh come on Gilligan you're about to begin 
                        your training as an astronaut.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Oh professor do I have to?

                                GINGER
                        Well your not afraid are you?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Me afraid?  Me afraid?
                        
                        Me afraid!!

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        Gilligan is hung from vines and is seen swinging back 
        and forth.  The skipper is pulling on vines making 
        Gilligan swing.  Mr. and Mrs. Howell are seen laying on 
        lounge chairs, drinking their tropical drinks and 
        enjoying the afternoon.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Ninety eight...ninety nine...

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Thurston?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Ah yes my dear?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        This astronaut training is rather vigorous 
                        isn't it?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Yes it's hard to relax with Gilligan hanging 
                        about.

                        How's your drink my dear?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Very nice thank you.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Would you care for another one?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh thank you dear...this time would you give me 
                        a little mint?

                                MR HOWELL
                        Which little mint would you prefer?  The one 
                        in Denver or the one in San Francisco?
                        Ha! That's a Howell rich joke!

                        GILLIGAN
                        What's the count Mr. Howell?

                                MR HOWELL
                        The count?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh of course darling we were suppose to count 
                        his swings.

                                MR HOWELL
                        Oh yes yes...onesy, and now big...big twosy!

                                SKIPPER
                        NEVER MIND! what time is it Mrs. Howell?

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh it's so hard to see without my lorgnette.  

                        It's a...four rubies past a diamond.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well I think he's had enough!  Let's let him 
                        down.

        The skipper helps Gilligan get down from swinging.

                                SKIPPER
                        Are you all right little buddy?

                                GILLIGAN
                        I think so, but I don't think I was cut out 
                        to be a swinger.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        The professor is standing next to the launch guide as 
        the skipper carries Gilligan over his shoulder.  Gilligan is 
        obviously not in great shape after the hours of training
        
                                SKIPPER
                        Here's our astronaut professor.

                                PROFESSOR
                        What's wrong with him?

                                SKIPPER
                        Well he's just so exhausted from all the 
                        astronaut training that he's sound asleep.  I 
                        better wake him up.

                        Come on Gilligan...wake up.

                        Wake up!

                        Are you awake little buddy?

        Gilligan appears to wake up and be responsive.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Sure skipper!

                                SKIPPER
                        Ah fine.

        The skipper lets go of Gilligan who promptly goes back 
        to sleep and fall down on the ground.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Let's get him into the jetpack and onto the 
                        launch pad before he wakes up.

                        According to the last news flash, the ships 
                        won't be in the area for another ten minutes.

                                SKIPPER
                        All right lets get him up.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        Gilligan is now seen wearing the jetpack and standing 
        at the launch pad.

                                SKIPPER
                        Gilligan little buddy?

                        Gilligan?

                        Wake up! Rise and shine!

        Gilligan wakes up and is still very groggy.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Hi skipper.  I was dreaming about wearing the 
                        jetpack and blasting of into space.  I'm 
                        going back to sleep and see how it turns out.

                                SKIPPER
                        But that's no dream Gilligan, you are going 
                        to blast off in a jetpack!

                                GILLIGAN
                        I am?

                                SKIPPER
                        Yes!

        Gilligan becomes fully awake and realizes he's wearing 
        the jetpack and panics.

                                GILLIGAN
                        I am!  Oh I'm getting out of here!

        Gilligan makes the attempt to leave but is held back by 
        the skipper.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh now wait a minute Gilligan, we've got to 
                        get you up in the air so those Navy ships can 
                        spot you and we can all get off the island.
        
                                PROFESSOR
                        Gilligan, I'm sending the radio up with you 
                        so you'll know from the news flashes exactly 
                        when the ships are in the area and exactly
                        when they've spotted you.

        The professor places the radio which has a cord through 
        the handle around Gilligan's neck.


                                PROFESSOR
                        Good luck!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Professor do I really have to!?

        The professor takes a pocket watch and uses it as a 
        countdown timer.  The skipper is busy preparing 
        gilligan for his flight.  All three are talking at 
        once.

        SKIPPER                 GILLIGAN                        PROFESSOR
                                                                All right, 
                                                                count down
                                Ah professor I                  ten
                                Don't think we                  nine
                                Should leave this
                                Island!                         Eight
Would you get his               I mean I really like            seven
hand there                      it very very much!              Six
Professor.                      It's really a nice
                                Island!                         five
Put your hand on                I'm not going up!               Four
This.                           I'm not going up!               Three
                                I'm not!                        Two
Good luck                       I'm not going up!               One
Gilligan!                       I'm not!                        Blast-off

(skipper activate
the jetpack)                    I'm going up!

                                Oh I'm not gonna
                                go up again!

        Gilligan blasts off and goes straight up with a cloud 
        of fire and smoke.

INSERT: AN ACTUAL BELL LABRATORIES JETPACK IS SEEN FLY OVER 
TREES.  THE PILOT IS DRESSED LIKE GILLIGAN WITH A RED SHIRT 
AND LIGHT BLUE PANTS.

CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

        All the castaways are present and are standing on a 
        slight hill. The professor is looking through a pair of 
        binoculars as the others look skyward.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well do you see him professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        There he is!

                        And he's just at the right altitude for our 
                        ships to spot him.

CUT TO: GILLIGAN IN JETPACK AT ALTITUDE HOVERING.

                                GILLIGAN
                        It's not so bad up here!

                        In fact it's kind of fun!

                        I'm a bird! I'm a plane!
                        I'm super Gilligan!

        A seagull flies past Gilligan as he hovers at his 
        assigned altitude.  The seagull "quacks" like a duck.

                                GILLIGAN
                        It's the only way to fly!

CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

        The castaways are still in same position looking 
        skywards.

                                MARY ANN
                        Won't it be wonderful when those sailors pick 
                        us up Ginger?

                                GINGER
                        Won't be the first time it's happened to me 
                        Mary Ann!

CUT TO: GILLIGAN HOVERING

                                GILLIGAN
                        Shouldn't be too long now.

                        Better keep my ears open for the news.

        Gilligan reaches down and turns on the radio.  Gilligan 
        is still tired and yawns.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Keep my eyes open too.

        The radio being on, now has a news bulletin of 
        interest.

                                RADIO
                        "WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A 
                        BULLETIN FROM THE PACIFIC, WHERE NAVY SHIPS 
                        ARE SEARCHING FOR A LOST EXPERIMENTAL 
                        JETPACK.  THIS IS CHICK HERN REPORTING TO YOU 
                        FROM THE DECK OF THE DESTROYER REDWOOD AND WE 
                        HAVE JUST SIGHTED A UFO IN THIS AREA!"

                                GILLIGAN
                        A UFO!?  That's an unidentified flying object 
                        from another planet!

                        Uh I wonder where it is I wonder where it is!

                                RADIO
                        "ABOUT TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILES SOUTH OF 
                        HAWAII."

                                GILLIGAN
                        That's right where I am!

                                RADIO
                        "NAVY OBSERVERS HAVE NOT YET DETERMINED 
                        WHETHER THE UFO IS FRIENDLY OR UNFRIENDLY."

                                GILLIGAN
                        I'm not waiting to find out.  I'm getting out 
                        of here!

        Gilligan kicks in the rocket and rises in to a cloud.

                                RADIO
                        "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE UFO HAS JUST 
                        DISSAPEARED INTO A CLOUD BANK."

                                GILLIGAN
                        Yeah good!  As long as it's in a cloud it'll 
                        never see me!

CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

        The castaways are still watching the sky.

                                MR HOWELL
                        What's the matter with him professor?

                                MARY ANN
                        What's he doing?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well he's steered himself into a cumulous 
                        cloud!

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh no!  If he's in the cloud those ships 
                        won't be able to spot him!

                                PROFESSOR
                        Oh that's not the worst of it!

                                MRS HOWELL
                        Oh what do you mean professor?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Now that he's flown into a cumulous cloud, 
                        the exhaust from the jet fuel is bound to 
                        seed the water vapor and the result of that 
                        will be... 

        It starts to rain heavily

                                GINGER
                        RAIN!

                                PROFESSOR
                        That's a reasonably accurate guess Ginger!

        They all try to protect themselves as it continues to 
        rain harder as they run back to their huts.

DISSOLVE TO: INT - HUT - DAY

        Everyone is either seated or standing in the hut.  They 
        are all soaking wet and are using blankets to keep 
        warm. Gilligan is back with them and the radio is on 
        the table.

                                RADIO
                        "AND SO AS A RESULT OF THE UNEXPECTED HEAVY 
                        RAIN STORM IN THE AREA, THE NAVY HAS DECIDED 
                        TO ABANDON THEIR SEARCH FOR THE LOST JETPACK"

                                GINGER
                        That's the end of that.

                                SKIPPER
                                (TO GILLGAN)
                        And all because you dived into a cloud and 
                        started the rain!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Yeah but the radio said there was a UFO in the 
                        area and I was scared.


                                PROFESSOR
                        Gilligan there was no need for you to be 
                        frightened.  You were the UFO they spotted.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Huh?

                                MARY ANN
                        They saw you flying around up there and 
                        reported an unidentified flying object.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Me? A UFO?

                                SKIPPER
                        Yeah and you scared yourself right into 
                        ruining our chances of getting off the 
                        island!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Well if I'm a UFO I gotta know one thing!

                                SKIPPER
                        What's that?

                                GILLIGAN
                        Am I from Mars or Venus?  Where do I come 
                        from?

                                SKIPPER
                        It all depends on how far I have to chase 
                        you!

        The skipper takes off after Gilligan and chases him 
        around the hut.  Gilligan runs for the door with the 
        skipper hot on his heels.  At the last second, Gilligan 
        dodges to the left and the skipper heads out the door 
        by himself. Gilligan seeing he's now safe, latches the 
        door to keep the skipper out.  The skipper now standing 
        outside in the rain is not too pleased.  He reaches 
        through the doors window and unlatches the door.  The 
        skipper, now in full threatening view of Gilligan, 
        signals Gilligan to join him in the rain which Gilligan 
        does without complaint.  The other castaways find this 
        rather humorous and begin laughing.

                                                                FADE OUT


                                EPILOG
FADE IN: INT - HUT - DAY

        The Skipper and the professor are seen entering the hut 
        where the professor has been conducting more 
        experiments with the jetpack.

                                PROFESSOR
                        ...Once I figured out how to synthesize the 
                        jet fuel, it was a simple matter to make 
                        enough to make two trips to Hawaii.

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh boy professor!  How soon are we gonna try 
                        it!?

                                PROFESSOR
                        Well I've already filled the fuel tanks on 
                        the jetpack and once we build a new dummy we 
                        can...

        The professor notices the missing jetpack.

                                SKIPPER
                        What's the matter?

                                PROFESSOR
                        The jetpack is gone!

        Mary Ann comes running into the hut.

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh professor!  Skipper come quick!

                                PROFESSOR
                        What's the matter!?

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh it's Gilligan!  He's put the jetpack on 
                        and he's gonna launch himself to Hawaii!

                                SKIPPER
                        Oh no!

                                MARY ANN
                        Oh he thinks it's his fault we weren't 
                        rescued the last time.

                                SKIPPER
                        Well let's go!

CUT TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY

        Gilligan is seen wearing the jetpack getting ready to 
        take off.  The skipper, professor and Mary Ann come 
        running from behind him.

                                PROFESSOR
                        Gilligan WAIT!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Don't worry professor I haven't forgotten one 
                        thing you told me about the jetpack not one 
                        single solitary thing.

        Gilligan activates the jetpack which promptly launches 
        itself into the sky.  Gilligan is left standing in the 
        clearing with everyone else looking on.

                                GILLIGAN
                        Except to buckle it on!

                                SKIPPER
                        Nice going Gilligan!

                                GILLIGAN
                        Skipper give me a boost!

        Gilligan is going to attempt reaching up to get the 
        already departed jetpack.

                                SKIPPER
                        Yeah sure Gilligan.

                        Give you a boost!  I'll give you a boost!

        Skipper is about to clobber Gilligan when we...

                                                                FADE OUT:
                                END CREDITS